Another Day in my Life

मन

2011-08-05T05:49:00.005+05:30

कभी चंचल कभी सौम्य
कितने भाव बदलता है
कभी काला कभी निराला
कितने रंग बदलता है ये मन

कभी गहरा कभी सतही
कितने मर्म छुपाता है
कभी जिज्ञासू कभी शिथिल
कितनी गुत्थियाँ खोलता है ये मन

कभी आहत कभी हर्षित
कितने घाव भरता है
कभी अजेय कभी पराजित
कितने युद्ध लड़ता है ये मन

कभी दुपहरि कभी शाम
कितने दिन गिनता है
कभी पतंग कभी धरा पर
कितनी उड़ाने भरता है ये मन

कभी विह्वल कभी विभोर
कितनी अठखेलियाँ खेलता है
कभी सुरमयी कभी नीरस
कितनी कवितायें लिखता है ये मन

The Stone Hunter

2011-06-25T09:44:00.012+05:30

Once upon a time there lived a hunter. He was strange and had a quirky charm about him. He had a fierce dog named Obsidian. The savage beast had large fangs and shrewd alert grey eyes. His fur glistened black by daylight and glowed silver by night. People in the hunter's village kept their distance from the duo partly in awe of the hunter and partly in fear of his dog. Obsidian was as loyal a companion as can be, and despite his formidable exterior, had a kind heart. The hunter had no worldly possessions, no land, a little hut in the name of a house and no family. All he ever dreamt of was travelling far and wide, without having a care in the world. Obsidian a bit of a wanderer himself, curbed his lust for freedom and stood by his master through thick and thin. He never let the hunter out of sight. They hunted together, sat by the sea shore cooking the day's catch together and fell asleep by the fire in front of their hut at night only to wake up at sunrise to prepare for a new day together. The hunter would throw spears and stones at a make-believe prey and Obsidian would run energetically to retrieve the non-existent dead animal. Once their morning practice was over they would take a dip in the sea and have left-overs of the previous night for breakfast and start towards the forest to hunt.

One day while they were hunting they came upon a gnarled tall tree. They couldn't tell what tree it was as it was loaded with hundreds of branches each bearing a different type of leaves and fruits. They walked around the tree mesmerized staring up towards the top that was partially hidden by clouds. At the other side of the tree trunk they saw a hole in the trunk. The fearless hunter put his hand in the hole and felt something cold and smooth touch his fingers. startled he withdrew. But curiosity got better of him and he decided to get the mysterious object out. He closed his fingers around the rounded object and pulled it out. Now, our hunter had never seen gold before. Nor had poor Obsidian seen something like the intricately carved little jar in his master's hand before. They gazed at it enrapt for what seemed like an eternity. The hunter relived each moment of his past. He remembered himself as a little boy in his mother's arms, crying for a drowned wooden toy. He saw himself trailing behind his father to the jungle as he learned hunting. He had never enjoyed hunting as child but grew up to accept who he was destined to be. He saw his father set out on a boat to the sea and his mother waiting by the ocean for days for him to return. He remembered being hungry and hunting rabbits from the forest and cooking them for his mother and himself while they waited for his father to return. He could see his mother going back to their hut, wiping tears. He could see everything after that, from how she fell ill and left him alone to fend for himself to the day he went to the village to exchange his few pots and pans for some winter clothes. As he swam in and out of memories the day settled into an orange evening. The sun went down and he looked around, his reverie suddenly broken by distant sounds. He turned around and couldn't believe his eyes when he saw strange tall structures all around the forest. In fact the forest had shrunken and he could see strange chariots whizzing by. He ran around looking for his hut at the end of the forest, all he saw was a crowd of serpentine roads, cars, people milling about and tall buildings. Of course he didn't know what they were called but the hunter found himself all lost in New York City's Central Park. The only familiar being standing by his side was Obsidian. Relieved at seeing his mate by his side, the hunter began walking aimlessly in the park. Obsidian was as amazed with the inexplicable change surrounding them as his master and looked around in disbelief.

AS the sun was going down behind the trees, the hunter sat down tired and looked in the direction of the walking trail at the people walking by. These humans were nothing like the people in his village. They wore colors other than brown and grey of animal hide and appeared wondrously beautiful. He felt someone walking towards him from behind and tensed to face the stranger. As he turned ready to tackle his enemy he was surprised to see the prettiest girl he had ever seen in his life. She wore a dress of the color of moon and had hair the color of the golden jar he had discovered this morning. She had beautiful big brown eyes that sparkled and smiled. He fell in love with her. She spoke in a strange language and offered him some food and a sweet liquid to drink. She gave some to Obsidian too and did not appear scared of the dog at all unlike most people he had seen in his village. He reached out for her hand and told her about how he felt about her in his language. The girl just stared at him as if she understood every word. Then she spoke in a tongue he understood and said "Hunter, you are the person I had been waiting for, for centuries. Now that you have finally come I cannot let you go. You will freeze here in stone along with your loyal dog and stay with me forever."

And from that day until now the hunter stands in the central park with Obsidian at his side, waiting for a visit from his beloved.

I gave you my heart

2010-07-11T12:07:00.000+05:30

I gave you my heart
Glad you carry it safe in yours
Now I know why I feel the pain
Every single moment you are gone
For you keep a part of me from me.

2009 Missing

2010-02-02T19:36:00.005+05:30

It's a shame! I did not post a single blog in the year 2009. I was away to far off places and I was missing home. That sapped all my energy. Now am back, alive and kicking again. So here's to 2009...

2008 ended on a mixed note. There is a new addition to my family - my little niece. There was a sad incident around October which is difficult to get over but as the wise said "time cures the worst of wounds". Then there was a white Christmas and the dawn of a new year.

2009 saw the arrival of my second little niece. We are so blessed!

I worked, traveled around, went skiing, driving, cruising, clubbing and had fun. There were windfalls and pitfalls all the year but I made it back home and in good time to gather round with the family for festivities and merriment.

Thank you God for all my blessings and hope you will help me overcome what I have lost as you always do.

I wish you enough

2010-02-02T19:33:00.008+05:30

[recd from a friend...]

Recently I overheard a Father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.
Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Father said, “I love you and I wish you enough.”
The daughter replied, “Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Dad.”

They kissed and the daughter left. The Father walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry... I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?”
“Yes, I have,” I replied. “Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?”
“I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral,” he said.
“When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, ‘I wish you enough.’ May I ask what that means?”
He began to smile. “That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone...” He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more. “When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.” Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.
“I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.
I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger...
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye...”
He then began to cry and walked away.

Farewell Tigers

2010-01-30T11:50:00.005+05:30

It angers and disgusts me to read the title of my blog - "Farewell tigers"! Do I intend to bid them a final adieu, or am I praying for their safety and well being on this last leg of their journey? I fail to decide my real intent.
Is anyone hearing? I see slogans on walls in Bangalore "Tiger on its last leg". I see newspaper articles urging people to see reason, generate awareness...save tigers. I wonder whether poachers have the time to read newspapers or see television or worst read my blog.

I sincerely pray that people have a heart and save the remaining 1411 tigers left in India. Let's do whatever it takes.

I hope the next generation will not have to read books in school which say "Tiger was our National Animal - we did nothing to save them. We killed them all".

Rose and Gold Icing

2008-09-30T21:33:00.001+05:30

I saw the pair dancing on a cake
They looked prettier than the rose and gold icing
White flowing gown, a tiara adorning her head
Smart suit, one flower in his pocket and
The other on his arm

Oblivious of the noise and mill around
Lost in a daze they swam above the rose icing
Her mazed eyes looking at his
With careful steps, he led her into
A world all their own

We ducked for cover; a bang rang in my ears
The glass in the window, shattered, rained on us
When the turmoil halted, we rose
Trouble makers had done their task and
Killed the pretty dancing pair

My glassy eyes strained to look
No one danced above the rose and gold icing
The music went blank, no bells tinkled
I held on to the outstretched hand and
Looked back once just to make sure
In the tumult and agitation
I had not missed to see the dancing pair
But they were gone

What a waste

2008-09-29T22:43:00.012+05:30

This is a scene on Bangalore's Bannerghatta Road. This water tanker drove for a good distance in front of my vehicle and I noticed a steady stream of water dripping from the pipe at the back and this is not the first instance. I have noticed 9 out of 10 tankers leaking precious water onto the road and the amount of water wasted over a kilometer, I am sure would be enough for a household of 4 for over 2 hrs.

The Bangalore Water Supply and Sewerage Board has a fleet of about 25, 6000 litres tankers and about 23 18000-20000 litres capacity tankers.

I was reading an article in the Hindu dated 24th August : http://www.hindu.com/2006/08/24/stories/2006082425230300.htm
It is indeed a very good step on part of the government to make water available in areas where the pipelines have either not reached or are under maintenance. But I would suggest that the tankers be checked and water loss be prevented, unless ofcourse it is by design. And in case it is by design, I feel the design is flawed!

The third picture shows an autorickshaw letting out thick fumes (not very evident due to the poor resolution of my cell phone camera). Yet again this is not the first incident of a polluting vehicle on the roads. I must commend the Bangalore traffic police on their efforts at checking rash/drunken driving, dazzling headlights, worn out tyres, etc. I am sure they are keeping an eye out for polluting vehicles as well, but somehow this one and a few others escape their notice.

IIMB

2008-09-06T20:38:00.009+05:30

I wandered into the corridors of one of the seven fabled IIM institutions - IIM Bangalore. Unlike my usual Saturdays, I got up early to meet an ex-colleague and mentor. What better place to catch up than his alma mater.

We went from building to building, peeped in a classroom, talked to staff and faculty, and even went to the extent of imagining my name written on one of the place markers in the classroom! As if that was not enough, after looking at his name on the honour scroll, we construed my name written on it! The campus is beautiful with green trees, gray granite, two huge ant hills, and unbroken peace.

Why is it that some people make it to this institution and others don't? I have spent thousands of seconds pondering over this puzzle.
Some people are just born with the talent to crack CAT questions. Some people sweat on their conventional skills and make it through the 2.5 hour test, others like me sit back and wait for the nth hour to work on their quant abilities. The third category of people usually end up short of the cut throat cut offs while the first and second make it to the corridors I was talking of in the first paragraph.

Those who aspire to get into one of the IIMs and the institute is at an accessile distance to them, they should definitely visit the campus once. It does a lot for your yearning to get through the test.
The competition is tough, and it is so only because of the number of people appearing for the exam. Don't give up. There's still time left!

Rain Washed

2008-08-28T19:10:00.009+05:30

Rain came down heavily last night
Lightning, deafening thunder in its wake
As I sat to count the drumming of the throbbing in my head
It struck a million times, sending brilliant flashes all around
I drew the curtains, turned out the lights, fearful lest it strike
At times it flickered somewhere in the distance
Like an innocent candle,
Suddenly it cracked in all fury, pouring lakes of water
I was drawn out, to witness its greatness
Its might and power, I stood rooted gazing
At the red, yellow, orange and silver whip lashing
And gallons of water to drown the fire
Morning sang a different tune
Skies were rain washed, green shone all around
Blue overpowered the gray and red of the night
All sorrow, tears, heartache, and fear
Faded away in the warm morning light

Eyes

2008-08-27T20:19:00.005+05:30

Your eyes speak volumes
I wish I could read the meaning behind all the shadow games they play
It was only yesterday, I could fathom some of their depth
They would light up, at the slightest sign of rain
They would sparkle the moment they saw me in the crowd
They would sadden, at the lightest chiding, or a rebuke
Today, I am all lost
The games still set out at the smallest provocation
But hold a different substance
They suddenly light up, sparkle, darken
Only yesterday I could fathom, what’s now a riddle
The crowd grinds the streets to dust
I walk the same road, lost in the same crowd
Looking for an augury of that light
That rhythm of the sunshine and rain
That turned around all misery of the day
But I walk on for miles, nothing beckons me
I remember it was only yesterday I out ran the crowd
To see that sparkle in your eyes

Reflections of a Tree

2008-08-20T19:09:00.004+05:30

I wonder where they carry truckloads of cut tree trunk
It’s not that I am unhappy in the forest,
I just wishThere were more of us to share the sun.

Old man Green Crown perhaps knows the secret
He was telling us of the town on the outskirt that grows
Tall cuboids with square gashes called windows

They carry away all the trunks, pulp them
Roll them out under gigantic pins into what’s called paper
Cut them up, dry them and write on them in the printer

We can’t run away and hide, they know all our hideouts
Their army is increasing steadily, while we lose
Slow down humans
We can’t walk, someone go tell them we want truce.

Hover is dead

2008-08-12T22:16:00.002+05:30

She was just as big as my thumb. Pretty beyond words, she would dart about the fish bowl and race her companions to grab as many food pellets as she could. She loved to watch TV as much as she enjoyed washing her fins over the stream of bubbles.

I will miss you Hover.

Mundane Story Retold

2008-08-08T19:55:00.005+05:30

Bills - electricity, credit cards and phone
Chill me to the bones
Last minute rush to drop a cheque
Or add the biller to the online payee's 'deck'
Work on Mondays, work on Tuesdays
I wish we had more holidays
Atleast they could have managed
To give us some Wednesdays
Life, home, dreams, and wishes
Why do they pounce all at once
If only they were more civilized
I would serve them in order of precedence
Worry, anxiety, loneliness, and woes
Do they really need a place under the sun?
Why do they have to bother anyone?
They should be forever gone!

Sunrise, Sunset

2008-08-08T06:57:00.006+05:30

I had learnt this song at school, and was hunting for the lyrics. Finally I found them, though a little different from then. Here goes...
Is this the little girl I carried?
Is this the little boy at play?
I don't remember growing older
When did they?
When did she get to be a beauty?
When did he get to be so tall?
Wasn't it yesterday
When they were small?
Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly flow the days
Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers
Blossoming even as we gaze
Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One season following another
Laden with happiness and tears
What words of wisdom can I give them?
How can I help to ease their way?
Now they must learn from one another
Day by day
They look so natural together
Just like two newlyweds should be
Is there a canopy in store for me?
Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly flow the days
Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers
Blossoming even as we gaze
Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One season following another
Laden with happiness and tears

This day last year

2008-08-08T06:45:00.004+05:30

This day last year, I was pretty much in the same state as I am in this year. Long chats over the internet, enthusiam, trepidation, and sudden bouts of homesickness. The only differences is that I added one to the count of the number of years I have spent happily here. Over the past 2 weeks I travelled to a few places, met lots of people, had myself over fed by my mom. In short I was on a vacation. Back to Bangalore.

While I am here

2008-07-20T17:24:00.004+05:30

इस पार प्रिये मधु है, तुम हो
उस पार ना जाने क्या होगा?
- हरिवंश राय बच्चन
Read these lines so many times since childhood. We have grown up adoring Amitabh Bachchan and so have our parents!
I recently came across his "much in the news" blog, and the first lines staring me in the face were these.
Very apt and true. While we are here, we have so many things to live for...family, career, love, home, town, politics, school, college, academics, sports, books, dance, painting, music....the list is endless. When we leave here, we don't know what awaits us.

Loch Ness' Nessie

2008-05-04T11:43:00.005+05:30

We watched the movie 'Water Horse' recently. It rekindled the wonderment I had felt as a child regarding the existence of a magical creature somewhere in far off Scotland. There isn't much scientific or photographic evidence to support the theory of a large water creature or the Loch Ness monster. We humans have a consistent attribute - Fascination for the inexplicable. Something within me wants to keep the legend of the monster alive.
What if it really has all the magical powers it is supposed to possess? I wish I could see "Nessie" for myself. Maybe one day, I will journey to the Loch Ness armed with a camera and a week of leisure at my disposal.

How long do we have?

2008-05-02T20:58:00.006+05:30

Days appear numbered. I remember watching "An Inconvenient Truth" quite sometime back.
A few facts related to the phenomenon:
1.. The number of Category 4 and 5 hurricanes has almost doubled in the last 30 years.
2. Malaria has spread to higher altitudes in places like the Colombian Andes, 7,000 feet above sea level.
3. The flow of ice from glaciers in Greenland has more than doubled over the past decade.
4. At least 279 species of plants and animals are already responding to global warming, moving closer to the poles.

If global warming continues unchecked the consequences could be fatal:
1. Deaths from global warming will double in just 25 years -- to 300,000 people a year.
2. Global sea levels could rise by more than 20 feet with the loss of shelf ice in Greenland and Antarctica, devastating coastal areas worldwide.
3. Heat waves will be more frequent and more intense.
4. Droughts and wildfires will occur more often.
5. The Arctic Ocean could be ice free in summer by 2050.
6. More than a million species worldwide could be driven to extinction by 2050.
Source:http://www.climatecrisis.net/thescience/

Having stated the facts, I wonder if we can do anything to stall/defeat the imminent catastrophe.
Bangalore has never been so hot. The sun starts scorching early in the morning. For a change, this evening as I walked back from work, I was caught in a downpour.
I am sure all this will not last long, if we don't wake up and make an effort to save the planet. A fallout if this would be our skins will be saved.

I wish I knew how much time we have. In an attempt to add my 2 penny worth of effort in saving the earth I try to do the following:
1. Save water ( Never leave the water running)
2. Carry my own shopping bag wherever possible - this reduces the consumption of plastic bags.
3. Drive a fuel efficient vehicle.
4. I throw trash in designated bins.
5. Try and minimize electricity consumption in my house.
6. Save paper

What I plan to do in the near future:
1. Get a bicycle for short distance errands

Unnamed

2008-03-21T16:55:00.001+05:30

Proximity, inexplicable errors, distance
Never had I lost cool zillion times a day
I will not think of all this now…maybe another day

Rain knocked on the glass windows
Fish playful and swift, came together,
Quarreled and vied for colorful food pellets
I’ve been watching them for quite sometime now
Every evening, I have seen them dart about
The fish bowl, sometimes a home
Sometimes a foe…They fight their reflection!
I often do that myself
My world, though unaccountably larger than theirs
Presents similar characteristics
Struggles within, longing, wanting, dreams,
Endless waiting, lull, sudden ripples
Little curling waves, survive for while
Then dash against the shore
Animation, spirit, enthused one moment
Killed the next, incomprehensibly

I had determined, I will think of all this another day.

Two words

2007-11-09T00:52:00.000+05:30

Two words, I saw them in a dream
Wished I could weave a few lines with them
Recollection flickers
They are here one moment, lost another
I wracked my brain all day
Attempting to salvage what is lost
To gather the shards
Brittle and fragile as they were
Broke at the slightest touch
Is my wish so unconceivable?
Two words, are all I asked to call back
Wished I could weave a few lines with them

Sometimes

2007-11-09T00:33:00.000+05:30

Can you sometimes hear
When I don't speak a word?
The distance is so great
Moments when helplessness overwhelms me
Did I tell you
I hold back at times
Cannot account for the reason
Maybe I will grow out of it with time

My Wish

2007-11-08T23:20:00.000+05:30

I wish I had wings
Yellow, golden, brown
Azure, veins milling about
Just a pair would do
I wish to fly

I wish the world weren't so huge
Oceans, mountains and plains
Unfathomable, daunting and vast
A tiny nest would do
I wish you by my side

I wish I had wings
Yellow, earthy and azure
Just a pair would do
That way, if not you
I could fly to be at your side

Another Mile

2007-10-07T11:29:00.000+05:30

Roots spread, came to the surface
The earth burst open
Little white flowers shot up

Wary, she walked
Scared lest she tread on them
Snuffed fragile life and
Ill-fated, destined herself for
A night of restless repentance

Walks under the starry skies
Fugitive time, fretful
Melted, flowed and slipped away
Storms bore down steadily
Brace yourself; it's just a mile away

In the shadows, under the bough
Green, magenta carpeted the floor
Sheltered from the tempest, the frenzy
She leaned, to catch her breath back
Steady, it's just a mile away

The evening darkened
Shadows danced, flickered
Fell to the floor and vanished
Truant clouds, light played skittles
Pray, how do I make that mile?

On she walked, delirious
Petrified she stood and watched
Clouds looming up high
Then it relented, the overcast broke
Drizzle, a persistent spell

Spells, charms, magic all broken
The downpour washed away
All that held them tied

The Other Side

2007-07-15T22:08:00.000+05:30

I was happy. Life was all rosy and promising for me until I chanced upon “the other side” of it. Like a half eaten apple, it was ‘cratered’, patched with brown, and all sweetness had faded from it. I wandered around, fumbling for a firm foothold.

I kept walking. Stopping would have been fatal. What with the quicksand texture of the ground I tread...I hopped from one mound to the other, careful lest I fall and hurt myself. I met many a sunset with light slowly ebbing out of my ‘life on the Other Side’. It required tremendous will to keep walking and one day I reached a cross between the other side and the side I had resided in during happy times. I barely managed to crawl over and now I am changed and glad to be back where I belong. The sun sets leaving with a promise of a better day on the morrow.

This was the story of an insect crawling on the half eaten apple on my desk.

Lost in the Clouds

2007-06-30T13:25:00.002+05:30

Trek to Mullayangiri and Bababudangiri (Jun 23-24 2007)

Rising clouds, near opaque mists, treacherous trails, steep climb, lashing rains, sprinkle of cascades, a (overpowering) dash of mighty wind and a team of 20 adventurous trekkers! This was the perfect recipe for a trek to the highest peak in Karnataka.

After two meetings and a checklist with detailed instruction on what to carry and how to pack our bags, the Adventura members were looking forward to this thrilling trek. Among us were some seasoned travelers to lead the way. We set out on the night of 22nd June. Our team was in need of a good night's rest for the day ahead. However, we did not manage the rest, lodged as we were between the crevices, stacks of backpacks, sleeping mats and our trekking gear made. It all added to the flavor of the journey.

We reached Sarpa Dhaari by 6 AM on Saturday, sleep deprived yet raring to make the trek. To protect us from the downpour, we put on rain jackets, polythene bags over our socks and caps. Sandwiched between Experienced trekkers we made a move, daring the heights and leeches that lay low, waiting for prey!

Our ranks were peppered by other veteran trekkers who would keep an eye out for beginners and lend a hand, when the going got tough. A colleague, who knows the Chikmagalur district well, was our 'local guide'.

Jokes, encouragement, anecdotes abounded...as we made our way up the mountain. Those who were scared of heights, made it a point not to look down They did not even look ahead! They just followed in the footsteps of the person in front, all the while praying they would be able to live through it.
Easily 'portable' people held on to anything that was within an arm's distance - branches, rocks, and help from fellow travelers, something that wouldn't let the wind carry them away!
Among us were an environmentalist (who was quick to point out any insect or wild flower to us), story tellers, 'beginners', pros. It was a perfect mix.

The team reached the peak (6400 ft) by 10.30 A M, all drenched and shivering. A family at the top (who took care of the temple) gracefully offered us tea and space to stretch our tired legs. We prepared jam/cheese sandwiches, and had savories. It all tasted heavenly! The resident cat had a gala time with the milling visitors. Looking for food, she accidentally bit one of us. A scream followed, and then startled jumps and more anarchy! We spent around an hour at the peak and started our trek towards Bababudangiri. This leg of our trek required that we cross around 5 hills and some ridges. Meanwhile the rain and the violent gusts refused to relent. It was an adventure of sorts. Our leads would go looking for negotiable trails and we would follow, slow but steady and brave.

We reached a point where we could see the road below. The first instinct was - 'We've had enough, let’s get to something that looks more human, and less frightening. If there is a road, humans have definitely been there and the path would be hospitable!’ It felt comforting to sight something familiar. But we got the better of that urge and kept walking.

A little patch of sunshine far away, clouds rising as if from a great fire somewhere in the valley, rolling hillocks that disappeared in the mist at the horizon, and a platform to span and admire the view dreams are made of. We had some savories and ‘thepla’ at this stop. It was around 2.30 in the afternoon. I may not be very accurate with time, because I had lost count of pretty much everything including the cramps in my legs and the weight of the soggy backpack, or the scratches and bruises. It was quite true for everybody; the numbness had made us comfortable. All this added to the thrill of the adventure and we enthusiastically clicked pictures the moment clouds gave way to a few beams of sunshine.

At this point the team split into two. Some were too tired to continue on the treacherous route to Bababudangiri where we had initially planned to stay. They took a bus to the destination while twelve of us moved on.
The trek was mostly on steep ridges with the wind screaming in our ears. Looking down we could feel how small we were against the forces we were battling, and had we missed a single step, we would have been thrown off the ridge into the valley.
One of us very rightly commented "There was no room for error". Despite the threat we passed the camera around, posing for pictures with stunts precariously perched on the rocks. We went on, bracing the wind, leaning on jutting rocks, crawling through crevices. It was 4 by the time we reached a spot where one of us unfortunately got hurt. The evening was approaching fast; we were exposed on all sides, with no shelter. It would be dark soon and we had quite a few ridges to cross before we reached Bababudangiri. We sat down to decide whether we should move forward on a trail we did not know yet, or go back before it gets dark and we get stranded on the ridge. We decided on the latter course which was wise. After a futile attempt at calling a few emergency numbers, seven of the twelve went ahead to look for alternate shorter routes to the road below. We started on the trek backwards.

By 6.30PM we were back where we started for the 2nd peak and weren't we relieved to be on safe ground surrounded by a concrete structure with walls. Our bus came and took us to Bababudangiri, among very worried friends, who had reached before us. After a round of tea and warm smoldering coals near our feet, we set out for Chikmagalur. We made a trip to the hospital and then searched for a place to stay. We warmed our ready to eat dinner which vanished the moment it was deposited in the temporary serving dish. It was a luxury to be in rooms away from the rain and the wind, having warm dinner and chocolates over good friendly chat.

We slept like logs despite the nightmares of towering rocks, and falling off the hills.

The next morning greeted us with a promise of better weather. Gathering to chat over hot tea and savories, we discussed the passing of the previous day. The newspaper revealed what fate we had escaped while on our trek. We came to know later that the wind speed had been around 150kms/hr. And our 'guide' colleague very kindly withheld some information from us until we returned safely to Bangalore. It was to the effect:

1) 6 inches of rain...
2) 40 trees fell down in his uncle's estate alone
3) All schools closed down in Coorg.
4) 5 people died in Hassan and Chikmagalur due to rains.

We then visited Bellur where we read statues in the Keshava temple built by the Hoysala dynasty. Every sculpture had a story behind it. It was fascinating to hear tales behind the numerous little gods, goddesses, their incarnations, dancing girls, animals and birds from our guide who was pretty good at his job with funny folklores by the score.

After lunch we went to Saravanabellagolla and climbed the 600 odd steps to the hill top. We went to the serene temple of Bahubali. It is a monolithic statue and the calm of the place worked well on our tired nerves and put some life back into us. After a stint at amateur rock climbing (missed all the footholds, bruised my knees), helped by one of the sure-footed guys in our team, I finally conquered a rock that was not more than 2.5 meters in height!

Candies, drizzle, inviting wind and coconut water marked the last leg of our journey and we got back into the bus towards Bangalore.

The star attractions of the trip:
1. No stray remark was left uncommented in the funniest way one can imagine.
2. It was great to be a part of a jolly pack of trekkers, who sang, and joked after two tiring days filled with excitement.
3. Sardar jokes and silly songs never left us with a dull moment.
4. We came away without being food for leeches.

We were back in Bangalore by 11 in the night for a day at work on the morrow. Sorry that the trip was over, and looking forward to making another trek, another adventure, another day very soon.

Slow Learner

2007-06-12T21:15:00.001+05:30

A slow learner - yeah that's me. But once I learn a lesson its learnt for life. Give me a math problem to work out, teach me the principles of physics or a chemical reaction, or ask me to write a bit of a computer code, ask me the capital of Zanzibar, or ask me to trust anyone, I can do it pretty quick, but ask me to remove my (Virtual)-glasses and see what disaster is staring me in the face, I would take forever to back off.

Things can never be bad...People are just so good and nice and kind and well mannered, and stand by what they ( pretend to ) say. Anyways, they can't be blamed. Different people are different(very different - so different you sometimes wish you wouldn't have met a particular variety). By the time you think you have understood a particular species, they present to your venerable self a personality trait, you never would have imagined existed on this planet!!! Now who's fault is that? Of course yours! You should have been more perceptive, more judgmental, should have opened your eyes a bit wider, learnt to be shrewd and jealous and bad and. You just had to pay more attention in your geography and biology lessons. Surely that trait would have existed somewhere.

All your fault!

And there you were trying to be a martyr for a social cause! You were close to being knighted and earning a medal posthumous! The cause turned out to be just so 'not a cause'. Its funny. I can still picture you waging a war, sword weighing down the pretty little fist and the mare you mounted going pretty insane! And waging a war against your own clan to defend a cause that was not actually a cause! And then your clan being won over. I just can't figure out, what devilry or angelic enchantments were employed to lead the poor soldiers on.

Anyways...my stories never will end. What I meant to do here is pen down a few more lessons from my treacherous life:
1. Don't ever, never ever go where you are not wanted!
2. Don't be a fool.
3. Dont trust anyone. Anyone means absolutely ANYONE.
4. Dont trust especially those, whom you grow to trust more than yourself. They turn out to be the unworthy of your trust than you can spell trust.
5. Everyone has a story(I was accused repeatedly of having a story, so much so, that I stopped reacting, which somehow led people to believe I actually had a story and they used it to their means - Glad, my humble self was of service to someone). Now I am proud to say, I have one nice little story of my own and I wish I had written it in pencil(I have quite a few spare erasors, that I haven't used since I fininished school)

Survival Tales

2007-04-23T21:34:00.000+05:30

S: Wanted to congratulate you once again.
H: Thanks. So how are things coming along? Picking things up quickly?
S: Yes.
H: Did you go through the graphs?
S: Yes. I did this morning while I was doing the dml's. I also went through the UTP.
H (nods and smiles): I'm sure you wont let the team down.
S: I wont.
H: In a day or two you will have lots of work coming your way. You can take help from L and K anytime.
S: Hmm...and good luck...bye
(2 days into the new assignment and looking forward to being a firefighter!)

Holiday!

2007-04-20T21:32:00.000+05:30

Holiday at Last! My leave has been approved(thanks to my project manager) and am I happy? :-) Going out of town next weekend and this is what I will do -

I will attempt getting up early once again and go bird watching at dawn. Should be fun. Can't wait to get away :-) 7 days to go!

Thanksgiving

2007-04-20T21:03:00.000+05:30

Overheard a bit of a conversation. Did not pay much attention to remember the details but, the gist is that there is a person who has a disability since childhood and my colleague was trying to comfort the person over the phone.
It made me remember the lessons taught at school. They drilled it into us to say a prayer each night and thank God for making you whole and also say a prayer for those who weren’t blessed in the way we are.
What I believe is everyone is blessed in a way. People would say, "Its easy for you to say this…ask a blind girl how it feels not to be able to see the colors in life, ask a deaf man what he would not give up to be able to hear again, ask a person who has lost someone dear, what he won’t do to have them back in their lives?"

All these questions make me feel very small. I have tried to close my eyes and walk a few yards, and the darkness was so profound, I felt lost.

There are social initiatives for people who are challenged.
There are other initiatives that help kids study in areas that are economically unsound. It is always an honor to be a part of such efforts. Its not very difficult, and believe me it does not prove as a drain on your social life.

There is a movie by the name "A walk to remember". I first watched it some 3-4 years back and I have watched it over and over again, just to keep me awake and human, lest I become too complacent with what life has given me or too embittered by whatever it has stolen from me.

Walking in the rains (it has been pouring here for the past three evenigs) I have been thinking and taking stock. I remembered the time I had been in the himalayas rafting and went for a cliff jump. It is just like a trust fall sans the interlocked hands to catch you when you fall. It is just volumes of deep, dark water meandering through the mountains. It is scary. That was another time I said a desperate prayer and closed my eyes before I jumped. Then I let go. I heard the temple bells ring somewhere, came back to the present, took off my shoes and walked in. It is a quaint little place that I manage to find only during my evening walks. I don’t even know how it looks by daylight. I like to sit down and hear the bells ring and see the people kneel down and ask for their wishes to be granted, some just ask 'to be happy not only today but for years to come, always'.
I like that temple for another reason as well. They distribute ‘Prasad’ (offerings made to the deity) after the evening worship in little bowls made out of dried leaves. After a day at work, it tastes ethereal.

The bigger picture always will be elusive. We can only wonder at the scheme of life. The key lies in balance and not losig direction, standing up and walking ahead.
Disorientation, only makes things worse. Remember, you are not alone. Had you been on your own with no responsibilities, everything could have been different, bad and reckless in a way. Keeping your head on your shoulders is what is most important, and even more important is holding it high.

School was a place I will always miss. The games, the friends, the teachers, classes, the librabry, labs, the canteen, the fun, the resolutions,and the values will remain forever.

I can hear the bells again. This time very distant. And I say a little prayer. I ask for happiness, not only for me, but for all whom I love, not just today but for years to come, always.

The Kite Runner

2007-04-19T15:56:00.000+05:30

"For you a thousand times over!"

We won! We won! was all I could say.

"I know", he said. "Inshallah, we'll celebrate later. Right now I am going to run that blue kite for you", he said.
"Hassan!" I called. "Come back with it!"

"For you a thousand times over!" he said.

I got a chance to read this book quite late. Maybe because I never had set my heart on it. Now that I have read it, I feel, a few words over it are necessary, especially because this book has made it to my list of favourites. There's something about this book that stays, lingers on, haunts. Its like living amidst Amir, Hassan and the streets of Kabul. Its like weaving in and out of a dream, with big poplar trees, shady alleyways, warm sunlight over the hills on a winter afternoon and knee deep snow. It echoes. It is set against the backdrop of the life and times of the country itself. Another line that hits me hard is, "there are a lot of children in Afghanistan but little childhood."
It is the story of 2 little boys in Afghanistan who grow up together. One was the master and the other his playmate, ready to sacrifice everything for his friend. It is the story of the varied faces of human nature...It seamlessly dwells on the realms of honour, love, betrayal, fear, struggle, remorse, redemption and passion.
I have just put it down, but feel like reading it all over again.

A very honest book and I love it.

मन स्थिर कहॉ

2007-04-17T20:33:00.000+05:30

कुछ सोच कर लिखने बैठे थे
स्मरण क्षीण पड़ जाता है
कितना ही सरल है मनुष्य
कभी किसी बात पे खुश
कभी किसी बात से परेशां
कुछ सोच कर लिखने बैठे थे
अब याद नहीं, मन स्थिर कहॉ
एकाकी एकटक नीले नभ को
तारों को, देखकर कुछ गढ़ा था
कविता लिखी थी शायद
तन्मयता के उस क्षण, कुछ सोचा
अब याद नहीं, मन स्थिर कहॉ
मिट्टी की सड़क पे, आहट रहित
दबे पैर, धुआं उड़ते देख
पैरों तले कि सुनहरी धूल देख
एक छन्द रचा था,
अब याद नहीं, मन स्थिर कहॉ
हाथ में कलम पकड़े,
कागज़ को मेज़ पर रख
उसके कोरेपन में विलीन हो
कुछ संवाद बुने थे
अब याद नहीं, मन स्थिर कहॉ

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Finally :-)

2007-04-14T20:07:00.000+05:30

What I intend to do here is remind myself to preorder a copy for myself and anyone else who may be interested to get their copy soon. The book's releasing on 21st of July.
http://books.rediff.com/offers/harrypotter-books.htm

Sorry for the pixelated quality of the image above. It took me 15 long minutes to reconstruct this from the rediff bookstore page. Apparently these people had 3 pictures to form this one image. I had to juggle them up(thanks to photoshop) to get a single file.

Yippie! A Long Weekend Away

2007-04-14T09:53:00.000+05:30

I was in two minds about the holiday on May 1st. I could have taken a day off on the 30th of April and gone home or visited other relations nearby. I had been hunting for online low fare tickets for quite sometime, but never could decide on the place to visit. And I had given up the whole idea until yesterday. Finally I have decided on the place and I have the tickets in my pocket, and have applied for a day off from work! Hopefully it will get approved :-)

I am looking forward to reading lots of asterix comic books(over again) and I have to catch up with a few movies(Flushed Away, Meet the Robinsons) and do a lot of shopping and talk lots as well :-)

Looking Forward to the small break. Should be fun.

Nothing Better to Do

2007-04-14T09:31:00.000+05:30

Have been in and out of sleep all morning. Another weekend and a lazy one at that. I have only a few things to do later in the day. Since I had nothing better to do in the morning, here I am :-)
There was a storm and heavy rains till late yesterday night. The gods in the Bangalore skies seems to have relented a bit. Thanks to them, the weather has turned really pleasant.

7 Steps to a new You ( msn)

Step 1: Make sure you're ready for change

Step 2: Set Goals

Step 3: Track Yourself

Step 4: Eat Mindfully

Step 5: Commit to Move More

Step 6: Get Support

Step 7: Plan for Life

Updates from Mars(msn news)

Friday,April 13th

There's fresh imagery this week from NASA's robotic emissaries at Mars, including video of dust devils spinning through the Spirit rover's field of view and pictures of a scary-looking route down to the floor of the crater that the Opportunity rover is investigating. This comes in addition to the latest view of the Face on Mars, provided by the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter.

To Infinity and Beyond

2007-04-13T20:55:00.000+05:30

"Princess, there's one thing I've learnt on my many adventures - you never win if you're busy counting the reasons you'll lose."

Picked this from the buzz lightyear comic book.

http://disney.go.com/disneyvideos/animatedfilms/buzzlightyear/

I love this character, he's so gutsy and funny at the same time!

Rains! :-)

2007-04-12T21:22:00.000+05:30

First rain in the city since I moved here and I love it.
I can smell the rain on my terrace as I write all this hurriedly. I must go back and enjoy it while it lasts.

A Weekend to Remember

2007-04-07T21:47:00.000+05:30

Saturday was a day I love. I had written a detailed post on it, but removed it and thought it a better idea to write a single post encompassing both Saturday and Sunday.For the first time since 15th of February(the day I reached the fabled city of Bangalore), we(my group of friends which has 4 P's, one K and me a J) decided we would get together at my place and cook lunch, and watch a movie and catch up with current and old times. Everything was perfect in its imperfection. What with the rice being less than required? What with me snapping at P1 when he was teasing me over the phone? No one actually minds. P2 was missing. She had more pressing commitments, and I forgive her;-) although she should have been with us! We cannot claw back what or who has moved on, however much we may wish. I must not forget to mention another P and a T who unfortunately do not live in Bangalore and are very much happy in their new lives. They surely are missed by me. Back to the party(wasn't actually a party). It is strange, we haven't changed much since college. We still quarrel, we still play games like 'Killer Detective'. We still tease each other over whatever is going on in our lives. We still make fun of movies, however glum they may be! We still live each day as it comes. We have a life devoid of complexities. We can speak absolutely anything and be assured the second person will not judge. They would tell me upfront..."Look J I did not like what you just spoke" ! And the trouble gets sorted instantaneously.That was Saturday.

Sunday was another story. I decided to go on a road trip with 3 friends to Coorg. It is a beautiful place in the hills away from Bangalore.I have been on lots of road trips in the past but they were different, because invariably someone more responsible (like my big brothers or dad, or school teachers, or college professors) would be in command. An unplanned trip! This sounded more adventurous. I was apprehensive, but hoped for the best. We started the day with tea and cakes at a wayside CCD. We stopped to take a few pictures with the Mysore Palace in the background. Asking our way at petrol stations, we finally reached Coorg around 12.30 in the afternoon. It was hot and sunny, but the place we had lunch was good and we set out again. The Abbey falls is a small waterfall hidden in the forest around 8 kilometers from Madikeri. By the time we reached Raja Seat, the sun had relented and it was windy and pleasant. The soft mist in the hills was enchanting. I just sat solitary on a bench, watching the waves the hills made on the horizon, and listening to the wind whistling by. We then had ice creams. On our way back we stopped over at another CCD on the highway for the evening tea. Then we drove back to the city. After dropping my friends at their places, I finally reached mine, tired.It was a long weekend, but each day was so different and complete or incomplete in its own right. Saturday made me happy. Sunday was good but tiring. It was a learning experience. The following is what I learnt from the trip:
1. Unplanned day trips are fun, but the distance of the destination should be considered.
2. Don't quarrel over who is to drive.
3. Keep shut until you are required to speak when you don't know all the people you are travelling with.
4. Listen when sensible people tell you to plan things better.
5. Don't crib when people tell on you. It was your doing in the first place.
6. Don't consider yourself very lucky if you escaped admonitions for being rash just because your associations are too gentle and kind to scold!
7. Think before you run away on another unplanned trip.
8. Grow up.

Despite the realisation, insanity prevails!It really was a weekend to remember.

What I have learnt so Far

2007-04-02T20:02:00.000+05:30

1. Time never turns back.
2. I am what I am, I cannot pretend to be someone I am not.
3. I believe what I believe. I am ready to change if what I believe is wrong. If what I believe is wrong, prove it.
4. In real life, there are just two shades - black and white. There is nothing in between, however much we try and paint things differently.
5. When I am happy, I am not overwhelmed. When I am sad I am not overwhelmed.
6. What could have been done differently should have been done differently in the first place. You cannot undo what's done, and there's no point languishing over it. Better do what you will in a way it should be done and re-build.
7. Speaking with friends really helps.
8. Respect people who are older and wiser than you.
9. Be very honest.
10. Hiding behind books and blogs is a respite, suited only for early mornings and nights on weekdays. Better go to the theatre to watch a nice movie and have dinner at a good restaurant over the weekends.
11. Driving with sane music is good for the nerves. Don't overdo it, you wouldn't want to contribute to global warming.
12. In the evenings, driving with the car AC turned off and windows rolled down is "very" good for the nerves.
13. Going to a friend's place when you anticipate a nightmare is better than watching "Chicken Little" over and over again.
14. Most Disney movies are good and can be watched more than 4 times.
15. When everything is a mess, just chuck it out of the window and go out for a stroll.
16. When you don't want to do something just be brave and admit you don't want to do it.
17. When you can't do something, be humble and brave and admit you can't do it.
18. When you can do something and yet don't do it, you are wasting your as well as others' time. Just admit you are lazy and let someone more capable get the work done.
19. When you listen to someone, don't listen just for the heck of it. Empathise.
20. Be reasonable. The second person is also a human and trying real hard.
21. If you can neither empathise, nor be reasonable, don't expect the same next time you stand the test.
22. Respect people for what they have achieved. They worked hard for it.
23. When you don't want to cook keep instant noodle handy. They fill you up pretty well.
24. When you have finished your stock of noodles, buy a bigger stock. They don't hurt you.
25. Different people are different, there's no reason they should be expected to behave in a manner similar to yours.
26. You should be tolerant and patient towards those who behave differently than you do.
27. What is unethical is nothing but unethical. You must not put up with it.
28. When you sit over your electricity bill until the due date, you cannot pray for their office to be open on a Sunday. You will have to wait till Monday to pay it.
29. Don't let someone else's indifference hurt you. You can do better than that for yourself. Even if you are hurt don't show it, they will hurt you more.
30. Don't waste tears over people who don't realise their worth. Never attempt it to their face. Do it when alone. It cleanses your eyes.
31. Try not to cry when you have a cold. If you do, keep tissues handy.
32. If there are three roads and two sets of people expect you to move with them, their way, just dig your heels down and turn the third way. You will reach where you want to go, without getting lost, even if you walk alone.
33. When you want to eat a muffin or a chocolate insist on having it. Don't always expect people you went to have coffee with, to appreciate your idea and wait for their approval.
34. What has to happen will happen, don't tear out whatever little hair is left on your scalp in frustration.
35. When you wake up suddenly at night, turn on the lights and write something, or watch Tom and Jerry.
36. Don't change until you are convinced you are changing for the better. When you are convinced, don't be lazy.
37. When you know you are right and just, don't care for what people say. When you are wrong and unjust, just move back to the right track.
38. Don't ever hold a grudge. Forget. It makes you happy.
39. Education is very important and adds to your self worth.
40. Money is not everything in life, actually it is nothing. It leaves behind a bitter taste.
41. Never get too busy for the people who really matter.
42. Dance till you are too tired to stand. It really helps.
43. It is OK if you forget to brush your teeth twice once in a while.
44. Don't ever forget to switch off the lights and never waste water. Dont be selfish. People after us will need them as much as we do.
44. Don't hurt anyone.
45. Don't give up on someone, just because people tell you too. Hold on yet give them space.
46. Don't give up on love for anything in the world. It is what helps to re-build what's lost.
47. If you have something to tell me, I will listen without any biases.
48. Don't listen to people who try to push you back.
49. Don't lose your temper if two people push their way into the queue before you. Lose your temper when 3 do. Yet tell them politely that they should wait their turn.
50. Don't go where you feel you are not wanted. Don't waste your life.
51. Don't let people trample over you.
52. You don't have to live in a grand palace to be somebody.
53. Let go.
54. Don't keep putting off what should be said and done. You don't want to be late beyond help. Life is short and time is running out.

I'm Happy

2007-03-31T23:48:00.000+05:30

Friday, 30th March 2006

Yet another day in my life and a great one at that.
I am grateful for this day and hope tomorrow is just as good if not better.

4 AM

2007-03-29T04:00:00.001+05:30

I had to attend an all day session today but forgot to attend the first half! Made it to the Open House after lunch and the last session. I will have to go through the ordeal of attending the missed half very soon. I do not like the idea.
Spent an hour washing the car in the evening.
Its 4 AM and I have nothing better to do, but fill in this blog space with more meaningless words.
Summer is already here and I am not very fond of it. I used to love it in school because we would get 2 months worth of holidays. Now is different.
I'll go read something.

Does Time ever turn back?

2007-03-27T21:46:00.000+05:30

Where does this road lead? She had not wondered until she reached the bend. She never felt the necessity to wonder.

Every path she had tread until a few years back had been well laid out for her. All rocks carefully removed and all grains and pebbles strained away lest they hurt her. She was so used to prancing barefoot on these harmless trails, so accustomed to being picked up even if she faltered a step, so much entwined within the fabric of her home, so very dependent on the people she had known for years for every little word of encouragement and affection that she took them for granted. She never once thought before she made a phone call at 3 in the morning to cry a little into sympathetic ears before an exam she was scared of, or when she felt homesick among the multitude of kids around or when she broke a photo frame or when she dashed a bottle of perfume or to rejoice for a game she had won, or when she couldn't sleep over a bad dream. Now she hesitates.

People grow apart. Not necessarily out of diminishing attachments, neither out of force of habit, but because of expanding circles of life and ever growing responsibilities. She thinks before she makes a phone call now and henceforth always will.

I wish time would turn back. She has closed her eyes in an attempt to shield herself on the roads she has been walking solitary for the past some time. She walks mechanically. Sometimes, looking over her shoulders hoping someone will come to her just like they always did, if she missed a step, when she would play in the yard, blindfolded. They do not. Turning back, she can see all eyes on her, just like the first day she stood up and took a step unaided. They applauded then. Today, they just watch, silent, and apprehensive. Why don't they tell her what to do? Why don't they tell her what's been bothering them as they used to? Why won't they walk with her? She is so used to them. She looks away to wipe the wet on her cheeks and walks on wondering. Why do they pretend to have become so indifferent? Don't they worry anymore? Why don't they talk to her anymore like they used to? Why won't they come to play with her in the evenings? Why won't they hide their chocolates only to let her steal them later? Why won't they quarrel with her over a comic book? Why won't they even incite her to hit them with her fisted hands, and laugh at her attempts? Why will they just smile a worried little smile when she speaks incessantly and incoherently as is her wont? Why won't they show her how to paint a door? Why won't they put up streamers and balloons on her birthday? Why won't they read a book to her in the afternoons? Why won't they fly a kite with her anymore and take her to their cricket grounds as an umpire? Why aren't they there to carry her down when she climbs up a flower tree to hide? Why won't they comb her hair and tidy her when she comes home dirty, from wallowing in mud ponds in the village? Why won't they hide her behind the sofa when their mother loses patience over the nth broken tea cup? Why don't they put her on their bicycle and take her around town anymore? Why won't they make fun of her when she fools around in their oversized shoes?

Will Time never turn back?
The pain is overwhelming.
She lets the road lead her wherever it will.
Walk she will!

Dancing all Night

2007-03-23T21:36:00.000+05:30

Dew still lingered
It dribbled softly
Into puddles at the feet
Of the shrubs

My feet hurt
From the exhaustion
From the drill
From the ecstacy, the flight
From dancing all night

The sky melted
Raindrops pattered
Into the puddles
Mingled with the dew
Strains flowed, anew

I just couldn't stop
This was one game
I never tired at
I jigged, I waltzed
I danced all night

Morning yet distant
All was dark
I struck a match
Stood lone
My dancing shoes still on

A stray drop rolled down
Memories rushed by
I blew out the light
I must not forget all
Just 'coz I danced all night

Leaves sparkled
Dew dribbled softly
Washed by raindrops
Into the puddles at the feet
of the shrubs

Morning lit
Birds awoke, stirred
I lay by the window
Couldn't get up, how I tried
Probably I was tired, from dancing all night

Back of Beyond

2007-03-23T18:33:00.000+05:30

Moonbeams filtered through the chintz curtains
She sat looking at the dark green beyond
It was only yesterday, they had sat there
Music streamed into the night one after another score
They had waltzed shoeless
Till their feet were blistered and sore

Faint tapers had glowed by the brown walls
Wax trickled and the the candles waned
Dribbled on the wooden floor
They had not heard when the wind rustled in the trees
They had ceased to hear, to breathe
Till they were woken by the prying breeze

The dawn lit the yellow earth on the streets
Soft dirt winged as silent footsteps fell
The candles had burnt into their sockets
White lilies, and bluebells glistened by the golden pond
She smiled, and realised, it had been just her
She alone, travelling to the back of beyond

Mahashweta

2007-03-22T20:27:00.000+05:30

I read the review on my friend's blog ( http://wishes-and-world.blogspot.com/2007/03/mahashweta-book-review.html ) and had been interested in reading the book 'Mahashweta' by Sudha Murty ever since. I read it today and am glad I did. It defines relations in such a different light. Strength and belief are all one has to fall back on.

In the world I live in, I had almost forgotten cruelty and segregation of the sort still exit. Apparently they do and on a big scale, however much I shut my eyes and keep the real world out. I will not dwell on the content of the book. Although it is a small book and not more than one or two hour's worth, I would never be able to do justice to the depth it has. I am still in a trance. It sure has volumes to speak.

Riding the Waves

2007-03-20T18:59:00.000+05:30

A storm brew in the distance
Silent waves yet cradled the boat
I knew it wasn't far
They would be dashed to the rocks
The tide kept rising
Submerged the shore
Riding the Waves,they prayed
Deftly they steered the boat
But the storm bore down
Gasping, they resurfaced
I knew it wasn't far
They would never make it ashore.

Its 19th

2007-03-19T11:10:00.000+05:30

Its the 19th of March 2007 and I feel just as I felt on the 18th! There are so many things happening around. It doesn't really help when I am not able to talk to people, that really matter to me, however much I pretend they don't. Its worse to wait before washing clothes that have been soaked in detergent. Clothes that the previous week's usage has rendered unusable for the next.

I have to watch India's match against Bermuda with my friends tonight, but I lost all zeal for it following the unfortunate incident of Bob woolmer's death.

Why don't we realise that life is short and there is nothing in life more important than just being there. No amount of riches, no glitter, no conquests, its just being alive that counts.

I could walk to the end of the world
No, let me do it, it doesn't matter
What's another mile?
In truth, I want to walk
If its only to see you smile.

First Game Fizzles out!

2007-03-18T18:00:00.000+05:30

I had 'Great Expectations' from the first match India was going to play in the World Cup. I specially packed my toothbrush, comb and some buiscuits to go over to my friends place to watch the match. We kept our fingers crossed, but all hopes of a victory were dashed when India lost to Bangladesh by 5 wickets. It was depressing the way we batted. Even the ones who managed above 50 runs, did so at the expense of time and overs lost. It was a disaster from the start. I wont venture to post the scorecard (psst..its embarrassing!)
To reduce our gloom we switched channels and watched the Ireland Vs Pakistan match. Pakistan had worse fate than ours. They lost with a score of 132!
There are slim chances of us going to the Super 8. Sri Lanka are a tough team, and they've already won their first One Day against Bermuda. We will win against Bermuda but Sri Lanka will be a more skilled opponent. Still Sri Lanka are our only hope, since my faith in the Indian team has suffered considerably after the night out of yesterday. May we win against them.

Come 19th and I will pack my toothbrush once more and head towards my friends place.

The Craziness of it All

2007-03-17T15:29:00.000+05:30

A needle poking from my mattress? My mother always told me not to do any sewing on the bed. Had I listened to her I would not have to get up and feel the entire length and breadth of the stupid mattress at 3.30 in the night. Probably a fibre of whatever it is made of! It sure is annoying.

Anyhow it is not very cheering to get up at 3.00 when you finally somehow cajoled yourself to sleep at 2.30. And then lie awake after some silly nightmare. I knew the day would be bad from the start. For one I came back by the 3.15 bus in the afternoon. I should have stayed on, gone for tea with friends in the evening, but who listens to reason. I have to do what I will. I flipped on the lights, tried watching 'Chicken Little' to soothe my nerves a bit(I love to see him fly off on the soda bottle!), wrote a stray text message, got a glass of water, ate a few cookies and some chocolate, but to no avail. What is scarier than the nightmare is the dread, looking at the watch produces. Its 5.00 AM and work in 3 hours time(though not too much to keep me busy through the day). The very thought vapourises whatever little inclination to go back to sleep might have remained.

The craziness of it all! I will not leave work until the hands on my watch show 6.15 in the evening. Work or no work, I will stay put until I can come home with not more than 4 hours at my disposal. Surf the net, fix dinner, talk to friends, surf the net, write a little, read a bit, and be off to sleep.

Lost

2007-03-17T15:28:00.000+05:30

It was right here
I had been looking fot it
For a while
I lost it again
I am not searching anymore
I am sure to lose it
If ever it comes back to me
Let it stay Lost

Of chocolates and More

2007-03-12T21:33:00.000+05:30

Met a friend after 6 years. I got my long overdue treat of chocolates(though it was bigger than a treat owing to the time elapsed and the interest accrued). I have a big box of Ferrero Rocher, 2 Lindts, a Toblerone and a Temptations at my disposal :-) I just adore them in this pic. I could look at them for hours!

It was good to talk of old times.

One Day very Soon

2007-03-10T10:12:00.000+05:30

Have I told you lately, what it means for me to be in love?
As far as I can recall, I think I never told you. I had never thought about it. I am a bit of a dreamer. But I never pictured what it is to be in love. i think I was too much into it, living and breathing it that I never envisaged it.

"Will you lift the blinds, and let the light in? I love to see the sunshine on those white flowers.
I would have done it myself like all these years past, but I feel a little strained and it is tad too big an effort for me get out of bed and put on my slippers."
"Will you water the plants, before you leave for work? No...don't worry about my breakfast. I will lay like this for a while, then I shall get up and fix something to eat if you will leave the bread and butter on that table by the window. I never even said sorry, I don't prepare your breakfast and meals any more."

I should be fine soon. I know it. I don't care what people say. I will get up with the first rays, one day very soon.

"Here, let me tidy your cuffs. You never notice the fabric overlap. I've reminded you every day, these past 8 years! Now don't just stand there grinning! Lean over a little, I cannot reach up to where you stand."

I can see the days crawl by. It is an effort to be able to breathe. But I should be fine soon. Don't you worry. I will be at the breakfast table and at the door in the evenings one day very soon.

"Wait, you forgot the paper. Would you like to take it with you?"

I can see the sadness in your eyes. I know you would rather not be here and not see all this. I can see you pretend to be happy and calm, though I can see storms brew often and clouds darken. They subside. An effort you make, that costs me more breaths, more life. Can you sit down beside me and for once let me know, what it is for you to see me fading away each day? But I wont witness these clouds for long. I should be fine soon. I will stand by you in the rains, and look down from the mountain tops just like we used to, one day very soon.

"Will you put me in that chair by the window before you leave? I know how much I pester you. But you know how I like to doze off in the sun, with my book."

Actually I am tired of sitting by that window, watching the sky burn, then slowly blush with a ruddy glow, and then darken. Until you come back and my world lights up again. I should be fine soon. I don't care what people say. I will walk with you in the evenings, and cook your dinner. I will iron your clothes for morning as well. Don't you worry. We will be as we were, one day very soon.

Scarlett - 2

2007-03-10T08:27:00.000+05:30

"The old ladder is under my quilts, Momma. Grainne told me to save it"
From cold war to Irish insurgence and unrest. Horse races, Dublin, River Liffey, Georgia, Charleston. This book never tires me. I can read it while I am walking, while I am talking, or on a bus to work and even when I am half asleep, and still remember everything as though I had been watching a movie.
Scarlett has surely changed and matured into a real person. Although she had to face greater hardships and bleak times in Gone With the Wind, she did not learn humility once she was victorious. She was trying hard to be someone she was not. And she lost Rhett eventually.
I am done with reading the book and surely regret my premature review - 1.
I have never seen a more determined person. She builds a lost town almost single handedly, raises her daughter, never once looking for help. She never gives in to the insufferable agony, and rejection that she has had to face all her life with her people. It is only when she is in Ireland on the lands of the O'Hara's that she discovers herself. Rhett hasn't changed much. He is the same infuriating, loving character he's always been.

I am glad I read the book. It has definitely changed my opinion about Scarlett 'O Hara. I simply love it when Rhett and Scarlett are back together. She belongs with him and it should have been like that all along. Their little girl Cat(Katie O'Hara) is another character I will remember for a long time.

I'll take you home again, Kathleen
Across the ocean wild and wide
To where your heart has ever been
Since first you were my bonny bride.
The roses all have left your cheek.
I've watched them fade away and die.
Your voice is sad when e'er you speak
And tears be-dim your loving eyes.
And I wll take you back, Kathleen
To where your heart will feel no pain.
And when the hills are fresh and green
I will take you home, Kathleen

For all Gone With the Wind fans, this book is a must read.

Paper Boats

2007-03-06T17:54:00.000+05:30

Fathomless and unbounded
The ravine filled in August
It had rained incessantly for weeks
The mud baked walls had mellowed
How I wished I could hold them close
And prevent them from disintegrating

Evenings stole on me,
Games of a different sort.
Morn...Smoke curtained trees, flowed
Embers from the night's fire
Unsatiated, still glowed

Strangers and kin
A collusion, oblivion
I journeyed to the yore
I have a faint remembrance
Is this how it were before?

Long years have gone by
I cannot look back
Shallow puddles, paper boats
Take them asunder
I am challenged by daunting moats

Fathomless and unbounded
The ravine filled in August
It had poured, night after night
Water streaked walls crumbled
Paper boats, soggy and wet
How I wish I hold them afloat.

Garden City - Parched Throats

2007-03-05T17:33:00.000+05:30

The Hindu prints " Not all citizens have access to safe drinking water in Bangalore. Yet the BBMP uses more than 160 lakh litres of borewell water for its parks, medians and junctions everyday"!
Appalling.
Reason - Treated water likely to cost more.

I consumed tap water in my kitchen for 2 days and was down with stomach infection and fever. This forced me to look for bottled water. Most of the people do likewise.

The treatment plants are not located close enough to the parks. They have fancy plans to build new plants, start rainwater harvesting etc. I pray it is accomplished before any further damage. On second thoughts, does it really matter? I can survive on bottled water. Should I be worrying about the thousands I see on the streets and in the slums?
I can afford to move around the town and appreciate the green gardens and well maintained traffic junctions. Do they earn enough to spend Rs 50 on a 20 litres bottle of water?

I would rather like to watch Disney's Tarzan and Jane than worry myself silly over all this.

Scarlett

2007-03-05T17:28:00.000+05:30

Years back I had read the book "Gone with the Wind". It is a big book and very interesting. Revolves around Scarlett O'Hara, Rhett Butler, Ashley, Melly and a host of others. War, misfortunes, struggles to keep her home Tara alive and losses.
Now I am reading its sequel Scarlett. The book is not very different from the previous. Another set of losses and mishappenings. What keeps me going is the one statement I love about these two books..." I will not think of it now, I will think of it later ".

She is a strong woman. The only good attribute to her. A little crazy and shrewd at times. I do not like her much, nobody does. Some people even pity her. That makes me relent and let her be.

The author Alexandra Ripley writes in a fashion a little different from Margaret mitchell's and sometimes overdoes my favourite line. She has succeeded in doing 'part justice' to the sequel. Anyways sequels never are a match to what the first books are. Good attempt.

The Fabled Lake

2007-03-05T17:27:00.000+05:30

I touched the surface with my toes
I did not see a ripple
It was glass and stiff
The fabled lake.
I drew my shawl around me
I did not see a warm ray
All beams dropped on it
And disappeared.
I tried to dip a finger
It was cold and grey
I did not feel at home
Formidable and proud, it shone.
Scared, I called out their names
Desperate, I tugged at the binds
They wouldn't take me back
Left where I was, tired
I sat down by the fabled lake.

Home Alone

2007-03-05T17:26:00.000+05:30

"I understand English and Hindi".
"No Eenglish...vonly Kannada"!

"Coconut with 'Malai'"
I get a coconut with water only. On being queried, he explains something in Kannada with a smile on his face, obviously oblivious of what I had asked for.

I left the terrace door ajar last Thursday morning as per the instructions of my landlady. When I came back from work in the evening she was waiting for me at her door steps. In a very difficult mixture of Tamil, English and mime she explained that I should latch the door. I gave up and did not even try to explain, that I had left it open as she had instructed me on the first day (or maybe I had understood her incorrectly - more likely).

I had picked up a road map at the book stall and had studied it for quite sometime, so that I would be able to figure out my way around the city. I had also presumed that if I travel for a while in hired three wheelers I would learn the roads soon, but most of the roads are one way, never do I come back home the way I went out.

It is only when I am home in the evening, with music, a book or magazine in hand and vegetables to pare, sitting on the threshold to my terrace that I feel at home.

I am home alone and I love it.

Of broken Tea Cups and Road Trips

2007-02-26T15:34:00.000+05:30

I honestly don't remember how many pieces it broke into, although I picked them up myself. I should have counted. Anyways, it had lived its life well, and was destined to break. What doesn't please me is I was instrumental in facilitating its end.

I have always found road trips very interesting and exciting. Yesterday was another sort of a road trip. Foremost, it was on foot. Second, it wasn't a trip at all. It was actually a hunt for a house.

Wandering around an unknown city with 3 friends in tow, the streetlamps to show us the path, my Sunday wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be(Infact I enjoyed it). This sort of an approach works sometimes. Expect absolutely the worst from a situation and you may end up being surprised by what meets you . I wouldn't recommend this approach to anyone. This causes one to become an underachiever if applied to everything in life. It is only when you land in an unknown place and are desperate to try and make it your home, that you should come with your head full of apprehensions, misgivings and ghosts.
I may or may not have found what I had been looking for but in the process, I have discovered what is real.

Is this where I belong?

2007-02-24T15:17:00.001+05:30

My job, my life, the city I lived in, all caused me unrest and I wanted to move away. I was on vacation from17th Nov to 4th Dec. Throughout the vacation in Mumbai, Patna, my village and Bangalore, I had been spending time studying OOPS, Database, solving puzzles. It all happened then. I appeared for an interview in an organization I had always wanted to be associated with, on 4th of Dec and that was my lucky day. I got what i had been looking for(atleast that is what I thought!). Oblivious of the perils of moving to a new city I accepted the offer. I am wiser.

I have already recounted days after my vaction when I resinged from my previous. And how they just refused to let me go till I served two months. I am thankful. I got to stay in the city I had got so used to that I almost ignored its existence, a month longer.
13th of February was my last day at work in Noida. My farewwell, friends, colleagues...I wouldnt like to recount all that. 14th of February was spent packing whatever was left of my belongings and visiting relatives and friends in Noida. It was a terrible day! Yet another I wouldnt like to relive or recount.

I reached New Delhi Airport at 7.45 on the morning of 15th February. The flight was supposed to take off at 9 AM. Jinxed as I am, they kept delaying the flight. I read, dozed off, changed places, walked around and watched news on TV. Then an airport staff assisted an old lady who sat down besides me. She appeared very uneasy. He told her that one of the staff will help her board at 11.40 AM. It was just 8.45 AM ! I was surprised at why she was at the airport so early! Nothing or no one could be more harmless than her so I decided I could talk to her for a while. I enquired about her destination and she told me that she was headed towards Ahmedabad. I looked at her ticket and assured her that the staff will take good care of her. It appeared that she was flying alone for the first time. She repeatedly told me that she had come to delhi with her nephew and his wife on a holiday and that they were staying back for a while. They had dropped her early because of "whatever silly reason" I do not remember. And that she liked the weather in Delhi but Ahmedabad was much better. She told me her brother lived in Bangalore (where I was headed). She kept talking but never did I see her smile once. I got her a cup of tea just as they announced my flight. We got in the queue, but they delayed the flight yet again (as I had expected) and I sat down to read.

Reached Bangalore by 3 PM. My first day. I was feeling out of place. Now I am looking for a place to stay. Its shocking to see the houses available for rent. I am hopeful I will find something good before this week ends(there are so many friends helping me out). I have not yet settled down in this city and my employers want me to move to Hyderabad for 6 months on an assingment. I decided not to go.

Things have been moving so quickly, I do not remember most of it. I got my ID card, roamed the huge campus on bicycle, met with my college friends, tripped and fell from the library staircase, missed my bus one morning, did not write for the past 10- 12 days, and dropped a cup placed at my workstation.

Is this where I belong?

I do not know yet.

Of Countries Far Away

2007-02-13T10:58:00.000+05:30

It is a long way away. I looked for it on a map, in vain. Its not marked :-( .But I have heard anyway. It is little as little can be. I have seen it in my dreams, for sure. It is pretty as pretty can be. A wishing well, silver pail I searched for it all over, over hours. The meadow is vast. But you will find it without fail.

I picked a scrap last night, I made it into a tiny boat and set it sail, didn't you see? Raindrops poured, it had to put up a fight.

This place I was remembering, have you heard of it? It is rugged, yet serene. Flowers peep out of every crevice, every winding. There are birds, brown, blue, red, and green. There are willows, dipping into sparkling streams. Squirrels and bees. I especially liked this little mongoose. It nosed its way over the flower beds. I bent down to look at it. Oblivious of my presence, it carried on. Sweet oblivion!

Yet Another Day

2007-02-12T11:44:00.000+05:30

Incessant rains in the city for the past two days. Watched Black Friday yesterday. Good movie but I wouldnt like to watch it a second time. Too much of stark truth is bad for the senses. I like the songs by the music group Indian Ocean.
It is wet and cold again, and I am spending my last few evenings in the National Capital Region reading newspaper with friends over pizza, tea, old songs, singing and talking.

This is yet another day in my life.

With V-day around the corner, the malls are adorned with big red hearts. My cousin, with his ever enterprising ideas, says : "When I have a mall of my own, I will hang up such hearts and place people in the opposite gallery with shot guns!" He is a good sport and I appreciate his ideas for all they are worth.
I was reading the Times yesterday and I had to use filters to protect my eyes from the red that shone on each page! One article about V-day that I found sensible and really funny is called "Lovers as Buffoons". This is the link to it. http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1590361.cms

I was talking to my friend this morning and he says: "Your posts are so big! I look at them once and yawn. Then I start reading and by the time I reach the last line I have already forgotten where I began!".

My aunt called me up this morning, obviously annoyed at me for not showing up at her place for the past two weeks and having the audacity of not giving her a phone call.

I have to talk to my HR today and move on with my life.
People have been trying to shield and protect me from the big bad world. Surprisingly they are more scared than I am.

Another day in my life. Cannot even classify it as good or bad. I can just hope the next one is better.

Walking the Line

2007-02-09T13:14:00.000+05:30

I have walked the line
It took me an eternity
Life passed me by
I did not reach out

I could have fallen over
It required a resolve
Love passed me by
I shut my eyes

I am still not there
It has sapped my vigor
Yearnings passed me by
I kept the line in sight

Dreams vaporized
Nothing at this end
Days passed me by
Nothing where I began

I will not wish
Jinxed as I am
I will not see nor hear
What is willed will be

I will walk the line
I will not search,I will lose
What's now will never be
What was willed will be.

To Hell With Everything

2007-02-08T13:54:00.000+05:30

I had decided I would quit thinking and writing for a while. I could desist from writing but I could not stop brooding. The turmoil is so great and there's no other outlet, so I turn back to my blog. Back too soon.

I resist, protest, defy.
The feverish pace at which we are moving towards our ends drives me out of my senses.It haunts me. Helplessness is an inapt word for it. Everywhere one turns there is madness...People are possessed. There's nothing that's simple anymore. We want bigger cars, more money, newer cell phones, better jobs, better blogs. There's a global unanimous chant I can hear with every breath I take "To hell with everything and everyone". There's aggression behind every lineament.

Blogs have caught up in the big way. I am sure this is a slightly positive sign...the generation is aware. But the downside to it is, we are belligerent. My blog is better than yours! I have more movie reviews than X. I have written more on what's wrong with women and what's wrong with men. I am empty. Sadly, I have never really had the courage to write what I really know is the truth.

Substance abuse. We realise the hazards, we just dont give a damn. Actually we do not have the time to think whether we give a damn or we dont. Even if we think, it is invariably 10 different thoughts at the same instant. The end result is we manage to consume the time on our hands, fill in the gaps between work, socialization, theatre, movies, blogs, but we never have a logical, productive conclusion to each of those 10 things that we had chosen to think about, because 9 out of 10 times, the cellphone will ring or we find the internet more interesting than the draggy ponderings! All this masquerade we hide behind is aimed at attempting to not see what's right under our noses. We have fears, we have losses, we have shortcomings, but we are non accepting, judgemental, crooked, well read, well educated, lofty, smart, we've seen the world. Why do we ham, when we know we are amateurs? We raise petty questions, bigger questions we choose to ignore.

I write in the first person because I am one of us. I choose to forget certain things, I choose to remember certain others although subconciously I remember everything. It's akin to the cache and the main memory of a computer. I choose to speak something, while I believe something else!

Political intolerance, religious intolerance, existential intolerance. Rising intelligence and information levels have triggered a very unusual era.

People have always been scared of rejection. This phenomenon is not new. What is new is the prolonged mistrust. I have suffered in the past because of Z and this person Y, though is as different from Z as can be, I do not trust him/her. I project my fears or illusions, and hallucinations. Empathy is non existent. Perpetual frowns are the in thing. Trends like "I will love you till the day you love me, not a single day more" are well established(yes I call this a trend).

Where are we headed? Climate change is happening faster than previously predicted. Human trafficking, kidnappings, murders, organised genocide, infanticide, AIDS permeate every social strata. Nothing is black or white these days. Everything is painted grey. I shudder to imagine where or how I will be 2 years down the line, why even bother thinking about 10 years. I am missing out on love. I am missing out on who or what matters to me, I am missing out on what I could have been had I seen even one of those 10 thoughts to its correct conclusion. I am missing out on life but I don't give a damn just because the mass I am running the race with doesn't.

To Hell with everything!

By the Way India elected to field in today's match against Sri Lanka. I pray we win.

I Quit(just this one time)

2007-02-04T00:12:00.000+05:30

I think I should give thinking and writing a rest. I have been posting whatever comes to my overworked head. This space deserves a break from the junk I have been feeding it since October last year. As it is people believe we females are not well equiped to use our brains. I think i should not be pushing the limits of established conventions even though I am certain they are wrong to the extent I have correctly spelt the word 'wrong'! For once I call it quits. Not for their sake, but my own. I will be back soon.

Was it You?

2007-02-02T22:42:00.000+05:30

Was it you
Who walked with me?
I was as if in a daze
My stupor was so profound
I had almost lost footing

I could feel
My senses though numb
A wisp of succor
The haze was so thick
I had almost lost direction

Night after night
Dreams chased me
As I chased them by daylight
The race was so exhausting
I had almost missed to live

Was it you
Who tucked that stray strand behind my ear?
As I blinked by the starlit lake
The quiet was so silent
I had almost ceased to breathe

Mile after mile
I walked aimless
The abyss was so dismal
I skirted the shores
I had almost lost what lay within

Was it you
Who walked with me?
I have found myself again
Chasms, darkness, spirits dont intimidate me
It is almost like I am alive again.

Chasing Dreams

2007-02-02T13:13:00.000+05:30

Fragments cascade
Cringing, she shuts her eyes
Cowers behind a thin veil
Against the conflagration

Whimsical wishes
To be out under the starry skies
All ablaze and iridescent
There's no place to hide

A darting fugitive
A tiny spunky creature
All pity her, no one stops by
I wish I were at her side

My curtained window
Schisms and lace on fire
A beam decays, cannot stand high
At the crackling,she turns

I see her face
Teardrops streaming from her eyes
She doesnt speak, but pleads
Silently in the besieging blaze

I wake up
Jarred from a dream, I open my eyes
It is a peaceful night
Morning is yet distant

Patna - Over the Years

2007-02-01T18:02:00.000+05:30

(I picked this photo from the internet, I wish I had the time to go out and click one for myself this time I visited Patna).

Patna is a quaint city( I wouldnt even call it a city, it is that small). It is the capital of a quaint state called Bihar. One of the least progressive states in the coutry. Situated on the river Ganges and one of the oldest inhabited places in the world, I have known it over the years as a place with lots of people and unplanned roads, yet I am proud of it.

The history of Patna starts from around 490BC. It has seen the Lichavis, Maurayans, the Palas, Guptas, Mughals and English to name a few.

I have seen it simmer in the summer months, freeze in the winters and flood during the monsoons. Even today when I visit Patna, I see it exactly as it was 20 years back, with the exception of a few new roads and flyovers. The mornings start early, as a huge percentage of the population is from the lower income groups and they have to struggle to make ends meet. The fact that the administration has been excessively passive and insouciant and blatantly corrupt for long years did not help us much.

People who work hard and turn around their fortunes invariably move away to greener pastures.

There are absolutely no institutions for higher studies(we had some, but with the creation of Jharkhand nothing remains). Schools I must say are very good and it is because they maintain very high standards till the higher secondary level, that a big percentage of Biharis get into the IITs and the Civil Services. Although schools take very good care that science and math skills are sharp and polished, one aspect they prove inept at training students is verbal and written communication. Very few schools have competent teachers to develop students' skills in the languages.

The roads are narrow, traffic unregulated, dust and mosquitoes abound. Vegetable vendors, flour mills, sweet sellers, shops, kirana stores, electricians, doctors, quacks have tiny little places strewn about the town. You wont find many shops selling designer and branded stuff. It is advisable to shop in bigger cities that have newer stores.

There is so much about Patna that does'nt appeal to the aesthetic senses. Yet there is so much that attracts me to it. I will not delve into all the finer strands and sinews that bind me to the place because it will take more than the space of a blog to relive and recount. Yet once you venture out into the streets, look at the setting sun, see the dew drops forming, butterflies flitting, the clear starry skies, the simple people, the tangled locks of children on the streets, the dirt, the birds flying to their nests, the beetles on the leaves, the smell of fire on a winter evening, the smoking asphalt and mirage on a summer afternoon, the huge swelling river, you will for once believe you are in a different world.

Star-Crossed

2007-01-18T13:58:00.000+05:30

It was never meant to be
I would bide by instants gone
Weaving in and out of a dream
Why did it happen?
What was never meant to be

I willed it would never happen
Star-crossed as my path is
Sunshine trickles down, blinds me
Did I leave a stray Cleft unbound?
Watch over me while I see

A waif, a wisp, a wanderer
They didn't know her
'tis inviting, this other realm
I will walk over and see, keep my twine
Here I go, hold firm

Is it raindrops, I hear?
Does it rain in these parts?
Must be an illusion
A deluge follows, the rampart crumbles
Fend for me while I build again

I had willed it would never materialize
Star-crossed as my life is
Why can I see those stars gleam?
Makes me uneasy, agitates me
Shroud them, so that I may not see

Let me be
Let me ramble
Why do you mark it?
Star-crossed as my path is

Why did it happen?
This was never meant to be.

Zindagi Rocks!

2007-01-17T22:15:00.000+05:30

My cell jumped out of my grip this morning like so many other past instances as I descended the stairs! But this was to be its last jump to freedom. My humour's gone missing. I cannot hear it ring, I can see a tiny triangle in the top left corner, where some gibberish gets displayed. Rest of the screen is blank. Thankfully I have owned it for an eternity, and know its ways well(atleast I thought so). Confidently I dialled a number by punching in the name of the callee and called someone else instead . I told my mom about it and she fainted! Other catches to this are: Most of the numbers are stored in my phone memory, and I cannot retieve them, I cannot set the alarm hence am at the mercy of others to wake me up, I cannot set reminders and am at risk of forgetting other important events...

I forgot my cousin's birthday yesterday(Point to be noted - My phone was healthy then). I had been reminding myself until Sunday that I have to call him on 16th. I did not remind myself on Monday and there goes! I wake up on Wednesday remembering I missed something on Tuesday! The throbbing in my temples from Tuesday is so much in love with me, that it refuses to leave. Why does this always happen with me? I am jinxed. As long as people don't get too mad at me, I can handle it. I called him up tonight and made up for yesterday. Saved.

I picked up the newspaper. Everything is painted with Abhishek's engagement to Aishwarya (Now I suffer from a broken heart as well). As if that was not enough, they print discussions about the Bunt or some such community wanting the wedding according to their customs! How are we concerned with all this or for that matter anything they write in the Times? This was the story of the actual newspaper(wait till you risk reading the Delhi Times)! I have stopped reading the supplements except for the cartoon strips. It is an absolute waste of recycled paper. I strongly recommend they 're-recycle' these pages and put them to better use.

Slogging all day is not enough. Work is spilling over and I have to work at home as well. Come Saturday.
And they haven't yet announced the date for the GIR.
All I can say is "My life Rocks"!

फ़ुर्सत मिले तो सोचना

2007-01-16T17:51:00.000+05:30

कभी कुछ चाह कर देखा है?
फ़ुर्सत मिले तो सोचना

उस दिन हम चले थे
दो दोस्तों के साथ
बस छुट्टी थी और धूप थी
फ़िर कुछ भी नहीं सोचा

शहर से ज़्यादा दूर भी ना गये
हरी दूब थी और कच्चे रास्ते
बन्दरों का तो मेला लगा था
हम भी शामिल हो गये

सर्दी की सुबह थी
कोई चार साल पहले की बात है
मोर भी थे वहाँ
एक कुएँ की मुंडेर पे हम बैठ गये

किसी ने कुछ भी नहीं कहा
बस देखते रहे सीध में
मन ने पूछा
कभी कुछ चाह कर देखा है?

उस घड़ी क्या चाहते?
हमने हँसी में उड़ा दी बात
फिर चल पड़े
मिट्टी के रास्तों में दोस्तों के साथ

बहुत आह्लाद था हर कंकड़ में
सब कुछ परिचित सा था
फिर वही सवाल
कभी कुछ चाह कर देखा है?

आज लगता है
चाहने मात्र में क्या विशेष है?
जितना है बहुत है
इसी को समेट कर रख सकें जीवन परयंत

तुम भी कभी ऐसे
कहीं जाओ तो बताना
कैसा लगता है सब कुछ इतना विशाल
फिर शायद तुम्हें भी ऐसा लगे...

इस विशालता में से
कभी कुछ चाह कर देखा है?

My Blog in the OT - Courtesy 'YOU'

2007-01-16T13:37:00.000+05:30

This one is to you!

Why do I write what I write? Had there been just one event leading to my thinking and writing in a particular way, and had I known that single cause, I would have been more than happy to tell you about it.

It is strange and fascinating to see my posts lying in the OT and being teased to constituent tissues. Have you ever tried to sketch something (need not be on paper but can be an imagination or an observation)? Anything abstract? From a tree on an obscure railway platform, somewhere in Anand Vihar on the last sunny day of the winter when you sit cross legged and solitary on a bench, to a blazing flame that dances around and sends out sparks somewhere in the mountains, to grey clouds and clouded eyes?

Why am I a feminist? I respect all humans and have nothing against the other species. It is just that I stand for who I am. On second thoughts, I think if you casually look at the newspaper on any odd day, there's enough in it to turn any sane human into a staunch feminist!

There are so many things that cannot be put into words. Yes, you figure in more than one way in some of my posts, but I cannot define how or where. Now that you ask I will think over it. When I am writing, I just write whatever is going on in my silly head and stupid heart.

There lies my blog in the OT and I am a mute spectator. I can see pieces of it flying around. You handle some of them in a way they should not be dealt with. You react to some poem of mine that appears silly even to me when I read it a day after I have posted it, in the same way I react and that makes me overreact(whatever that means)! I humbly accept all critism(mine or your doesnt matter). But the trigger for that post (as for most other posts) was what I write in the opening lines. Then as I build on it, there are so many other issues which find back alleys and weave into the words subconsciously. And I never have the heart to delete what's been done. Probably I am another Rip van Winkle and fail to keep up with the times. Whenever I attempt to prune my blogspace of what looks unneeded, I do not suceed and thus you get to see whatever muddle I was juggling with.

Maybe this post will appear incongruos yet again, when I look at it tomorrow. But here it is and this is what came to my mind as I watched by the glass doors.

Saturday Morning - Memory Loss

2007-01-15T21:45:00.000+05:30

"Why don't you remember such things?"

My friend always gets mad at me, because I have a tendency to make others mad at me. I was sitting idle after a long and tiring day, where I had talked myself hoarse trying to glean and bestow all project knowledge resident in my head to a fellow teammate(He had to give up life in the Indian Army to work as a software engineer - Life is seldom fair as I always say), when my friend asked me this question:

A: "Did you inform all your friends in Bangalore about the delay in your scheduled arrival?"

Me: "Yes ... Not all...Thanks for reminding me...I will send out texts tonight"

A: "Why don't you remember such things?"

Me:"I don't remember so many things most of the time , A."
No replies for a long time after this statement.

Take for instance I went for a movie (infact two movies - morning and afternoon shows) last Saturday morning.

After having been through the security,my cousin and I secured a big bag of popcorn and a large tumbler of Pepsi and sat down on the stairs with 10 minutes to go for the movie. One of the staff ladies walked over to me and asked(obviously annoyed at us for placing ourselves on the staircase and ruining the decorum of Waves Cinemas by our 'popcorn munching antics'!) : "Which movie are you watching today?" I went blank!

Me: "Wait a second. "

I took out the movie tickets, looked at them and then told her "Anwar"(Why doesnt my cousin come to my rescue? He will pay for it, once I've answered the lady). She said, "You can walk into the audi", and she walked away smiling in disbelief! My cousin was in splits! How can a person remember so much? How do you expect me to remember the name of the movie I came to watch, when I have to remember a thousand other things(I don't remember which - That's a different matter altogether)?

Very diligently , I made sure to let my friends know tonight that I did not manage to get to Bangalore today. I will be there on 14th or 15th of Feb. I hope they forgive my forgetfulness! I am not as bad at remembering things as people think. I sometimes just choose to ignore when my brain and my heart says "beep" and "thud" respectively, not necessarily in that order. They sometimes do so in isolation as well, where just one of them needs to work! Apologies yet again. I know you are never mad at me :-)

Going Home :-)

2007-01-15T16:26:00.000+05:30

My brother's wedding is on 24th of January. Everyone(Maa, papa actually!Just the two of them) at home is running every which way. Last minute guest lists and shopping lists are being drawn up. The house has been re-painted, trees trimmed, caterers have been engaged, hotel rooms have been booked. Cards have been sent out, phone calls by the dozen have been made. My parents are in a frenzied state! They do not even have the time to talk to me! They dont even remember who I am! They are not even aware that I am living the life of a 'refugee' in Noida, with all my belongings already sent to Bangalore!

The groom reaches on the 20th of January along with our sibling in Bangalore(I have had long discussions with him , regarding his views on the subject. Have not been very successful. One of the most reticent grooms! On being asked about his attire - "I have got a coat, a tie, a nice shirt, trousers, cufflinks and shoes! The rest will be arranged by ma." I give up!)

I will be home on 21st(finally), after long battles and much 'sword brandishing' on either side(me and my boss).

Our eldest brother and his legal wife(my 'bhabhi' :-) will reach on 22nd January. Then will our troop be complete (not quite)! Now that I have got some time to breathe, I think I am very excited and looking forward to the occasion. On second thoughts, I am worried because I have not shopped for any dresses except one. I will leave it to ma to fix something for me.

4 days to go!

Undefined

2007-01-13T00:47:00.000+05:30

There are things that keep coming back to me. Life seldom is fair. We are thrown against rocks very often. We can choose to be knocked about, or find a ledge and make our way uphill. Some things are meant to be, they are destined, and however much we try to change the course of events, we cannot stop them from materializing. We can choose to be a helpless audience or we can make the best effort we can to avert what is to be. In the latter case atleast we have a sense of pride and an assurance that we did all we could.
Some things are there, looking us in the eyes. We can choose not to recognize them or we can forget our fears and misgivings and try to seek a familiarity.

Life cannot be so bad afterall.

iPhone

2007-01-12T16:39:00.000+05:30

Apple Computers Inc says: "iPhone combines three products — a revolutionary mobile phone, a widescreen iPod with touch controls, and a breakthrough Internet communications device with desktop-class email, web browsing, maps, and searching — into one small and lightweight handheld device. iPhone also introduces an entirely new user interface based on a large multi-touch display and pioneering new software, letting you control everything with just your fingers. So it ushers in an era of software power and sophistication never before seen in a mobile device, completely redefining what you can do on a mobile phone. "

Their iPods have become a rage(sigh! I don't own one - now that iPhones are here I think I don't need one! ) and with the introduction of iPhones Steve Jobs feels they would be better off being called Apple Inc ('without the computers').

4 GB and 8 GB iPhones are priced at $499 and $599 respectively. If I choose to buy a $599 phone I will have to forego a month's salary. Which means I will have to save in the previous 2 months so that I can continue living decently in the month I buy my iPhone. I can give it a try, but this will involve some waiting and planning. Anything for an iPhone!

Javeda Zindagi

2007-01-12T11:35:00.000+05:30

I had absolutely no idea about the movie 'Anwar' or the cast. Chanced upon two songs. One ('Maula') was given to me by my colleague and the other I heard on the radio. And I got hooked on to the second one, just like I got latched on to 'Tere bina' from 'Guru'. This song is called Javeda Zindagi('tose Naina Laagey')

I plan to listen to it continuously the whole day today, until I can find out what is it about the song that I like. It could be the words, the music, the rythm, the voice of the singers or something I can relate to...I am not sure yet. I will have to think over it.

We think, we speak(either to an audience or to ourselves), we write, we have a conversation. All this effort is directed towards defining what needs to be spelt out. We need not do it. There never was a requirement to the effect where we would want to let someone know who we are or what we think. How does it matter what I signify in the teeming multitude? I can think that all of us should give up our jobs, go to the villages and work on farms. I can wish we never had the concept of cars, electricity and air conditioning or a blog for that matter. I can wish I struggle to make ends meet and yet be happy, because I would be with the people I love. I could long for so many different things which would be simply impossible to enumerate in this little space of my blog. But now that I have spelt out "I can wish", I will always have this little prose of mine to come back to and recount my dreams. At the end of the day, we may retract some of what we have been thinking in the course of the day. Yet again, what's the big deal?

There's no one who will sit on judgement and pronounce a verdict, if I go back on what I believe. But wouldn't that be equivalent to dishonesty to oneself, which is worse than being untrue to a second person? I can think over it, which is like exploring whether I am in sync with my thoughts. Either I will convince my thoughts, or my thoughts will convince me but when we face the world together, square and strong, we both should speak and resonate in synchronism.

Motivation Trashed

2007-01-09T13:55:00.000+05:30

Another new year. Old table top calendars invariably find their way to the trash bins. This particular calendar caught my attention one evening, while I stood by the printer. And I smiled.

Motivation is the reason for an action, a cause which drives us to action towards a desired goal. But there are cases just like this picture where an individual works aimlesslessly, just for the sake of it or because it is required, and there is no way out in sight, or the person is trapped and finds it hard to breathe. Circumstances rule our lives.

We can let the circumstances rule us for a while(a short while at that), when we do not have a concrete solution, but sooner or later, we have to emerge out of the quicksand, come what may! Life cannot be lived just because it has to be lived, and is not in our hands. And even this sapped state of energies is a motivation to recuperate and spring back.

'Bangalore Envy'

2007-01-09T11:52:00.000+05:30

Trend-spotters have come up with a new phrase ‘Bangalore envy’ which they claim would shape people’s lives in the US in 2007. 'Bangalore envy', a now expression referring to movement of much of the world’s smart money to where many of the world’s smart people are, is one of the 10 new phrases that find place in Next Now — a book compiled by marketing guru Ira Matathia and trend-spotter Marian Salzman.

I read in the Times of India today, that Bangalore is the second city in the world after Shanghai, to be turned into a verb 'Bangalored', which stands for losing job or business after relocation.
India's Silicon Valley is emerging at a fast pace. Civic amenities are strained, yet influx continues unabated.

It is inspiriting to see our people in Bangalore, with their bright brains are causing unease in the US Corporate world.

Of Meetings and More

2007-01-08T14:29:00.000+05:30

My Last working day!

History:
Joined - 8th June 2005
Promoted - April 2006
Resignation - 13th Dec 2006
Exit Interview with Project Manager(PM) - 13th Dec 2006
Exit Interview with Noida Operations Head - 13th Dec 2006
Exit Interview with Line Manager(LM) - 14th Dec 2006
Exit Interview with HR - 14th Dec 2006
Exit Interview with Senior HR Consultant - 17th Dec 2006

Offline Discussions with PM, LM and HR - Innumerable.

8th January 2007 - Train at 5 PM
Project Status Meeting 1 PM - Everything under control.
Exit Meeting - Scheduled 2PM
Rescheduled 4PM
Rescheduled 4.45 PM
Rescheduled 5.30 PM
Intimation from Finance Dept that they have not yet been able to process my Citibank Account outstanding amount - 3.00PM

Result - Going to miss my train. Lost 2 kilos!

Letting Go

2007-01-08T10:35:00.000+05:30

If you let go, You realise you never needed it and that your life is the same with or without it.

I understand, in some cases everything will not be the same instantly and may never be, but eventually you will feel liberated.

In a Soup

2007-01-05T12:43:00.000+05:30

I am in a soup, alright! And considering my swimming skills, I risk drowning.

I wish everything were different!
Being pulled into so many different directions at the same time is overwhelming. Monday is supposedly my last working day(LWD). I have been singing this in the ears of my HR and my Line Manager(who has been very cooperative) every third day for the past 4 weeks but my boss(Project Manager) never had the courage to discuss my LWD in a meeting. He has not been in for the past week.

Tomorrow I will pack my belongings. On Sunday I have called the Packers and Movers to transport my car and other movable property to Bangalore, reducing my state to near homeless.

I have to reach Bangalore on the 13th and report to my new employers on the 15th of this month.

Yesterday, after being prodded on by a wellwisher, I got my reservation for home done for Monday, the 8th of January. Everything looked so right and appropriate.

This morning I went to discuss my LWD with the HR again and to tell her that I have got my tickets done for Monday. But it appears she had a conversation with my boss and he wishes to discuss things! How stupid can a situation get? Was he asleep when I had been singing all these days that I wish to be set free on the 8th of January so that I can get on with my life? Why does he suddenly want to discuss all this now? Why does he refuse to see logic and reason and realise that all possible project transition has been done. There's nothing I can do further, and there's no point in making me continue working on this assignment, when others can take over wholeheartedly, whereas I will work, but like a zombie.

I am tired.
Let me go.

Why doesnt everybody recognize, that a person has limits, stretching beyond which is humanly not possible.

Test me further, strain me further and I break.

Destination - Bangalore

2007-01-03T18:32:00.001+05:30

Area: 365.6 sq.km. Altitude: 914.4 m (3000 ft) above sea level

Geographical Location:Latitudinal Parallels: 12° 57' NLongitudinal Meridians: 77° 37' E

Climate:Unlike other parts of India which are extremely hot in the summer months, Bangalore enjoys a relatively mild climate year round. March to May (warmest months)June to September (rainy - South-West Monsoon)November to December (rainy - North-East Monsoon)December to January (coldest months)

Temperature:Highest maximum of 37 degree Celsius to lowest minimum of 14 degree Celsius

This is where I am headed and the next two pictures show what I dread.

I have heard it is a decent city. Home to about 6 million people, it is the fifth largest city in India. It is the Information technology capital of India with nearly 1000 software units. Karnataka Government offers special Incentives for Investors in the IT field. Information technology is an Industry and not a commercial venture.
On the cultural front, Bangalore is very tolerant. People are warm and ready to help anytime you need them. One problem is that some of the Green grocers, and laundry staff do not understand either English or Hindi. The second problem is I do not understand Kannada. The dress code is determined by the weather(which is mild to warm). Eating joints close around 11 pm through midnight. Taxi drivers, hair dressers, porters expect a 10-15% tip. Same applies to restaurants.
From my experience of the city, it is extremely difficult to navigate through the traffic. It may take more than 1.5 hours for a distance of 12-14 kms.
It is better that I do not add to the congestion on the roads and use public transport instead, till the time the situation turns for the better.

After a practical analysis of my destination, I will assess the impractical significance of the city:
Foremost, I am looking forward to living in Bangalore. I have seen it attract intellectuals from remote corners of the nation and keep them.
It is a city, which has not yet come to terms with its modernity completely. It is tremendously progressive, but never lets the ground out of sight.

Stop

2007-01-03T10:26:00.001+05:30

This is it. Today when I am very busy, I will stop suddenly, while the world rushes past. I wish to experience how it feels like to be suspended, temporarily frozen. I will turn round and look at the roads I travelled, the places I went, the people I met, the dreams I fulfilled, the aspirations I gave up and most important of all, where I stand. Should I stand my ground? I decide to stay. There's no turning back, or running away from here. What needs to be done, must be done. What appears unnecessary at the moment, but will be essential in future must not be ignored and work should start on it pronto. Now that I have taken stock of 'it' all, I am ready to run the race. No time to be lost. Have to put in all strength I can muster. My stop ends here.

Delhi Hazed Over - Like every Other Year

2007-01-02T18:26:00.000+05:30

Its winter in Delhi and the mist hangs heavy. Travel becomes a daunting task and most dread it. But going places never stops. People have to answer when called. I find it difficult to commute to and from work.

I was reading the TOI and they have a variety of interesting headlines:

Capital blues: Fog disrupts flights, rail traffic
Bright, sunny start to New Year? Fogget it
Flights come a full circle
For most, fog plays party pooper on New Year eve
Planes, trains... nothing moves in fog-hit Delhi
DGCA puts airlines on mat
Woman threatens suicide amid travel chaos
Fog to dog schedules this season too

I am moving to Bangalore on Saturday, the 13th of January. I get nightmares thinking of the D-day. What if my flight doesnt take off? What if it takes off, but never lands (i mean gets lost in the dense fog and loses its way?). I admit, I have pretty far-fetched ideas and never practice restraint, when I begin writing. I will not think of all this now. I will think of it later.

But reading stuff in the newspapers like the following, gives me a hopeless feeling:
1. On second January an Air Deccan flight took 22 hours to reach Chennai.
2. All flights except the CAT III B-enabled Indian flights had to be either rescheduled or cancelled due to the foggy conditions, airport sources revealed.

3. The city woke up to dense fog on New Year day with weak light filtering through the maze of tree branches, virtually leafless in winter, making it a mysteriously romantic morning. But for those catching flights, the erratic winter romance was fast turning into a perfect nightmare. Nothing took off or landed until 8.30 am, and after that, only a few CAT III-B enabled international flights hesitantly took off. All domestic flights — most of them with CAT-ignorant pilots — sat on the tarmac like beached whales.

I was reading up details regarding CAT( It is a four legged small animal.A feline mammal usually having thick soft fur and no ability to roar).

I came across two usages:

One stands for Clear Air turbulence. It is caused when bodies of air moving at very different speeds meet. What results are pockets that cannot be detected without the use of instruments with optical techniques such as scintillometers (I will refrain from writing about it although I did some digging - because I am bored). Even with scintillometers it is very difficult to detect these clear air turbulences and is hazardous for air navigation. There may be some bodies of air that are moving vertically, while some may be moving at a diagonal and others horizontally. This causes the aircraft to accelerate suddenly and may cause injuries when the crew is thrown around over a particularly perilous pocket.

We cannot do much, except do our best at avoiding such unfortunate incidents. When pitched against the powers of the vast skies, we mortals do not stand a chance.

The second is the usage which comes into picture around winters in Delhi:

In case of CAT IIIB operations, we refer to Category IIIB of RVR(Runway Visual Range). The RVR value for CAT IIIB is 150 ft. More details can be found on it at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Runway_visual_range .

Runway Visual Range (RVR) is an aeronautical term defined as the range over which the pilot of an aircraft on the centre line of a runway can see the runway surface markings or the lights delineating the runway or identifying its centre line.

It is of consequence that people are missing out on commitments because of delayed flights and feel helpless and stranded, but what is of greater consequence is, why is there a dearth of training and CAT III B systems on Indian flights?

Vows, Promises, Resolutions

2006-12-29T14:53:00.000+05:30

New year is a time when people take stock of the past and endeavour to make promises to themselves, regarding their conduct,career objectives, and personal obligations for the next year.

It is a time when people seek a get away from the cities and flock around camp fires in quaint places, seek solace in a trekk, wander off to the hills and bird sanctuaries, 'snorkel' for adventure in nature reserves around town. Some sit back in front of the TV, or watch the stars in the sky(they are fortunate if thay can count stars beyond the number of fingers on their hands and more fortunate if they can count upto the number of toes - what with the smog, fog and pollution clouding the skies).

I do not own a TV. My friends live in Bangalore and have plans of going to Pondicherry tomorrow. My parents live in the east of India. Brothers and other associations live in cities far away. So I have decided to stay back, and if the gods in the Noida skies permit, watch the stars for a change. And if I am too sleepy to stay up till the midnight hour, I will doze off with a book to keep me company.

I have resolved yet again to start the new year with no resolutions. Days come and go, its how much I live and make of them that matters.I shield my eyes from the blaze and brilliance.I wish to keep my head firmly on my shoulders. So here's to all the people who have good intentions of changing for the better - Good Luck.

Fasting and Feasting - Mamta ends her Fast

2006-12-29T12:48:00.000+05:30

Letters from the Prime Minister and President. I would'nt mind going on a fast if I got a call from the Prez. I admit, I wouldnt like a 25 day fast though for a phone call!

Rediff News 29 Dec 2006
Trinamool Congress chief Mamta Banerjee on Thursday night called off her indefinite hunger strike on the Singur issue following personal appeals by President A P J Abdul Kalam and Prime Minister Manmohan Singh.
"I am ending the fast because the country's top leaders, including President A P J Abdul Kalam and Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, have requested me to do so," she said in a feeble voice at the stroke of midnight after being on hunger strike for the last 25 days.

The PM had talks with Mamta and asked her to discuss all her concerns on this issue with the WB Chief Minister Budhadeb Bhattacharya. Banerjee had started her indefinite hunger strike on December 4 alleging the West Bengal government has been forcibly acquiring multi-crop agricultural land for the Tata Motors' small project at Singur, about 35 km from Kolkata.

Why do people sitting in chairs in airconditioned assemblies, take it upon themselves to decide what should be done with farmlands, and what should not be done? Why were talks held between Tata's and the WB Govt in the first place and why werent people's representatives(No I am not confused - I am talking of representatives sans Govt, sans politicos), asked for their opinion on the issue? Why do we have to start everything on the wrong foot ? There should have been dialogues (rather trialogues, if such a term exists) betwixt Tata motors, the farmers and the WB Govt. How and where did Trinamool congress get into the picture beats me. Anyways if someone has been fasting for this cause, there must be a rhyme and reason to it(I fail to understand what).

But the image of West Bengal will have to change and it will have to become more Investor friendly. It has huge manpower and if big names like Tata's and some Infotech companies arrive in this state phenominal growth will follow.

Smiling without a reason - Encroachments on Human Freedom

2006-12-28T12:49:00.000+05:30

India is a free country and all indians have 15 fundamental rights as written down in part III of the Indian Constitution. These include a host of civil liberties. And I being a bonafide citizen of India(by birth, by choice, etc etc) can avail these rights anytime I choose to. It is a punishable offence to deprive anyone of these rights!

At school we were mainly taught of the following 7 fundamental rights:

Right to equality
Right to freedom
Right against exploitation
Right to freedom of religion
Cultural and educational rights
Right to constitutional remedies

Today my colleagues took upon themselves this task of violation of my right to freedom! I was told "this is the first time we see you 'smiling without a reason'. You rarely do so! "
I mean this is a free country and everyone is entitled to smile whenever they please, and not listen once is a while when they are called, when the music is too loud. What's the big deal?

Asteroid attack, April 2029

2006-12-27T22:16:00.000+05:30

Standing in my balcony with a telescope aimed towards the sky, a book in my hand and a glass of juice, I wait and watch as the asteroid approaches the earth. I had read about it way back in 2006, to be precise on 27th December 2006. It seems only yesterday evening when I sat down on my tiny cot, weary after a day's work to read the newspaper. I had to write an email to my eldest brother for his birthday the next day.
The piece of news was titled "Mission:To destroy asteroid before it hits". NASA was making an effort to evaluate its chances of hitting our planet and was devising plans to deflect it in case it hits the earth. They had said it will pass by at a distnace of 22,000 miles which is a hair's breadth in astronomical terms. I had read and forgotten about it the next day like most others because I had faith in NASA's genius. 9 out of 10 times they have a solution to a problem and never let us civilians know the magnitude of an imminent disaster. There were talks of installing a propulsion system that would gently alter its course.
To make matters worse there was a rock about 1000ft in diameter called Apophis after the Egytian God of Destruction Apep, which would pass under many satellites and destroy them.
I looked around at the potted plants that we had so lovingly brought up. Come what may, I was determined to see it through. If only we could survive this day, all will be well tomorrow.
It was known that despite all attempts NASA had not been able to devise a technique good enough to parry this blow. Humans braced themselves for this day. They said that the gravitational pull of the earth changed the course of the rock and the propulsion system was not effective enough. I am in a hurry to complete and publish this post. What if I dont live to see another day? If the humans persist, which they in all probability will, they will get to read this and maybe someone around this place will come over and take care of my potted plants.

Quasi Coherent

2006-12-27T14:08:00.000+05:30

I read of this term in Mani Bhaumik's book 'Code Name God'. He talked of lasers and human spirituality. The book is indeed enriching, for people who can gulp stuff that at times may be too dry for their tastes.

Quasi equilibrated, quasi perched, quasi comfortable, quasi awake. The last one is the best term I can coin using quasi. It is the best state one can be in. 'Quasi Awake'- not completely awake. Semi aware, not completely mindful of the hazards lying on their path to awakening, not completely aware of the junk that is printed in newspapers. It is a state of being in a trance. And who would like to wake up when everything is swimming around in a glittering pool! For the past 2-3 weeks, I did not even need to cook for dinner! How does it matter whether I am Quasi awake or fully awake, anyways I am incoherent most of the time!!!

What I do not like is going to shop for vegetables on a winter evening when it has rained and I have to park in a puddle of mud. Everything is cold and soggy to touch. Potatoes are caked in mud, rather dripping with mud. And the wind is cold and piercing and I am never equiped with a thick jacket to ward off the cold. All said and done, I always end up liking this little trip to the grocer's because it gives me an opportunity to see people bustling about wrapped in shawls, camping around roadside fires (I sometimes have actually warmed my hands on such a fire near the popcorn seller's cart!). I am confused now. Let my confusion not lead you astray. Just read through this and forget.

If I had a Dog

2006-12-27T11:19:00.000+05:30

What would I name him? When you dont have an answer always turn to google. It invariably will have something that meets your requirement. I had thought of a name - 'Zach' and rechecked with google whether this can be a name for a dog. Who cares. He's my dog and I can very well name him 'Jaya' or 'Zintau'.
Second question is, if I keep a dog, I will need to take care of his various needs like good food(almost inaccessible for me), walks in the morning and evening(I wish I went for regular walks myself), then keep him warm in the winters(no sweat, I can manage some smart sweaters for him),clip his nails, bathe him and comb his mane, take him to the vet regularly. I will have to find a good friend who can either dog-sit or entertain him at his/her place when I go out for a holiday, where zach(I settle down for this name) cannot accompany me.
Then Zach may like to have a nice little garden with lots of butterflies to chase and trees to hide behind (beats me) ! Where can I find a garden(I could ofcourse make one in the balcony) ? It is indeed a grave question and a situation that needs ample thought. I live in a city and humans, accomodating as they are, manage to find perches and roosts in high rise buildings, but what would poor Zach do, strung up on a 10th floor balcony? I can very well imagine his plight. Its just like the overseas flights, I have come to dislike because of their sheer lenth and the fact that I cannot open my window to look down! And have to sit still or sleep after I have exhausted everything there is to read in the seat pockets and watched anything that is worthwhile on the TV, till all my bones are sore.
I wish I could have a little more sunshine and flowers than a city can offer me. I know it will never be akin to what can be seen in a remote village, but there's no harm in hoping and hoping for the best.
Maybe Zach can live on love alone and my pretty little balcony garden.

The cycle goes on

2006-12-26T23:10:00.000+05:30

The cycle goes on
The first moment in this world begins
with a blink and a cry
that fills all hearts with joy

The cycle goes on
We crawl, falter and fall
The earth embraces us
The world seems so large and tall

The cycle goes on
We stand, we walk and then run
The race begins
School, books, freinds, a new life
A new energy, the world suddenly
becomes small.

The cycle goes on
Youth brings with it responsibilities
Pressures, promises of love and bondings
Most live through, some perish
Those beautiful days languish
The candle flickers and burns out.

The cycle goes on
We pine for the lost, but move on
we keep going, time never waits
Childhood toyed, youth toiled yet
Unfinished tasks tug at our cloaks

The cycle still goes on
Wrinkles, infirmity, yet a vigour
that holds on to the world and
all that is our own
Once again sights and sounds overwhelm us

Then one evening everything is
gone and past
Nothing remains but a void
among everything that was our own
We embrace the earth
Yet the cycle goes on.

(Originally written on 4th Feb 2003)

Into the Dust

2006-12-26T23:04:00.000+05:30

Leaves fall onto the earth
Brown with age, yellow without sap
The tree heaves and sighs with the wind
and let's them free.
They drift, they sway, they fall
Leaving behind all past glee.

They crumble at one caress
Love doesn't please them
They are like frizzled edges of
pages written long years ago
and forgotten.

One season of autumn does so much
leaves the branches barren
One season of autumn comes into our lives
That leaves us old and senile
But slowly and steadily leads us towards eternal bliss
that salvation, that purity
That no raking can take away.

(Origininally written on 16th March 2002)

Eyes

2006-12-26T22:56:00.000+05:30

Your eyes speak volumes
Yet its difficult to fathom them
They shed tears suddenly
They cloud without a storm
But I know there's a hidden yearn.

Keep them closed
Force them to be shining
'cause the world likes them that way
Dont let them speak much
Just keep smiling

There's no one who could take a plunge
into the range of feelings and emotions
that spring from deep within
And peep stealthily from your eyes
But never give their reasons

Let them be quiet
Let them be lonely
Let them be longing
'cause it's their destiny.

(Origninally written on 25 january 2002)

Last December Rain in Delhi

2006-12-26T22:10:00.000+05:30

Life literally comes to a standstill. Traffic moves(rather crawls) at a snail's pace. But everything looks shiny and bright, washed and clean. My days in Noida and Delhi are coming to a close. I dont know if I will ever get to stay here again. I have known this place for the past five and a half years. I am so used to this place that I did not realise how much I am a part of it until I decided I have to move to bangalore.

This happens all the time, doesnt it? We have to keep moving, and do things we never imagined we would be doing. We have to leave everything behind and walk on as if there are no strings attached. Still hopeful that the next bend in the road leads to more light and will probably compensate for the losses. But voids never get filled. We learn to live with them and are happy with the pain of separation because unwittingly we are always destined to find something we can hold on to - a glimpse of a ray of light behing the clouds, a little smile, a warm touch, the places we go.

Rains are are a refuge for me. I love walking in the rain. I relive my days since childhood, playing in the rain on the rooftop, jamming drains for boat races, running around with friends in the fields in my village, laughing and splashing with friends in school and college. And now when my heart aches for all that was mine, I just love walking solitary in the rain, facing the sky with the raindrops in my eyes. I try catching some of them, but never enough to fill the gashes and zeroes that intersperse my being.

Still I love the December rain, that sends the temperatures plunging.

Something that makes no sense at all

2006-12-26T16:05:00.001+05:30

I did not hang up my socks day before yesterday. As a result I was deprived of a gift from Santa (Santa Claus to be precise - We know of other Santas for e.g. Santa Singh!). I do not mind as long as Santa does not deprive me of the intangible gifts he had planned for me.
I was talking to a friend over the phone we had a hearty chat. About movies, the myriad unproductive ways we had spent the day, nick names, we even Compared 'Casino Royale' and 'Happy Feet'(as though there is anything to be compared between the two...By far Happy Feet is better - I am looking for another online war, alas the other person doesnt know I have been writing on the sly!)...at the end of each statement we concluded that the other had gone a little funny in the head. There were questions like why have things been kept secret from friends (hmm...scary truths...better not be revealed!). Other questions were like why Harry Potter's next book is called 'Deathly Hallows' and not 'Deadly Hallows' (??!!) Probably because deathly signifies a death like appearance while Deadly is something that can can cause death or be dangerous(How I can see through titles that J K Rowling thinks of!! I am not complacent though...I still need to find out the answer from that other enlightened soul when I get the opportunity to talk again...if I am considered worthy of it, that is). Who can understand what goes on in the minds of these authors. They write whatever they fancy should be written. We discussed Eragon. Why dont they release the movie quickly, some people are losing sleep over it! (??)
I had to spend a full half hour this morning reading about it and the new book Eldest. Will have to procure them and read them before I venture to watch the characters in action.
I am from patna, a small town in the state of Bihar. We have a low literacy rate (only 50 %) and it is a great concern to the people in Delhi. We dont have a choice. We barely manage to make ends meet. We are a huge number. We were ruled by a Govt., who after years of experiments with us has become adroit at managing the Indian Railways. We are struggling and trying our best to emerge out of this to a better day and more light. I digress. What I was going to discuss is nick names...'Shankar Parvati' (!!) and 'Gauri shankar'. I like them. Had my parents given me the freedom to choose my name, perhaps I would have chosen 'Shashikala' or 'Chandralata', or 'UmaMahesh' for that matter. Alas, I have not been given the option to choose what Id like to be called and persist with an unimaginative name.
I always make promises to myself and I always manage to disgrace that promise and to think of it, I used to consider my faith as my greatest strength.
Yet again I resolve on the day after Christmas.
I realise this post is preposterous. If any reader can make any sense of it, please sort it out for me. I fail at every attempt.

Communication

2006-12-26T13:28:00.000+05:30

What's awry(perceived !!) with the Indian Culture?
I was in a session on "Communication Across Cultures" today and found what I had been doing for the past quite sometime unwittingly was put into words by esteemed Dr. ......
But it was surprising to know some facts:
1. Procter and Gamble started marketing Diapers in Japan. But in their ignorance of the Japanese culture, they concentrated more on the comfort of the mother than the baby and they failed. It had taken them 6 months to strategise and market the product in the first place and it took them another 6 months to undo the damage their advertisements had done and rebuild the market!
2. There was another fact about some American snack manufacturers who started marketing a cheese snack in China and failed miserably because they were unaware of the fact that the Chinese suffer from a lactase deficiency or lactose intolerance. They had to remake the product changing the percentages of the constituents, so that it was fit for Chinese consumers.
There were other anecdotes, that were interesting.
We discussed the contrast between the American and the Indian cultures. It was interesting to note that they have a context based communication, while we tend to beat around the bush a bit before we come to the point. I agree with it.
Americans are forthright and capable of saying 'NO', while we seldom say 'NO' although we are learning to mend our ways these days. What I feel is, it is OK if you have to go a little out of your way to drop a colleague home, or if you accept chocolates from a guest for your kids although you dont like them eating chocolates. It is Ok if someone needs to use your phone. It is OK if someone comes to your home without prior information or invitation. It is OK if you have to get up early to cook for a guest. It is OK if you miss your favourite TV series one evening if your guests' kids want to watch cartoon. It doesnt matter so much.
The Americans and Europeans feel that Indians dont say a 'NO' because they are too eager to please. But this is not a recent character or cultural trait acquired by indians. Over the years we have learnt not to say a no to anyone who happens to cross our path, or looks up to us for a favour. Irrespective of whether we are capable of helping out the person or not, we try and do it as best we can. I agree that at the work place some people are very eager to please the 'firangis' and this will have to change. And these are the few people who leave an infavourable impression about us when they do not meet unreasonable deadlines they had committed to.
If we can accept cultures, and dont try to adopt one, but be ourselves, then can we have a productive communication.

The Question is 'Whether' not 'When'

2006-11-14T13:33:00.001+05:30

Whether or When ?
People do not realise how much havoc they can wreak on a poor life when they do not have the answers to questions like when or whether. They confuse when with whether. You keep telling them, I am not asking when you would do such and such, I am just asking whether you would do such and such.
I understand human limitations very well. There are things we can do, then again there are things we cannot do however much we may try. We tend to hold on to something while we search within ourselves for answers like...Is this what I would like to hold on to? Is this the stuff, I would like to be wedded to for life? The species is such that we always subconciously feel, we could have done better. I dont say that we should not do better, what I say is, we must do better. But in an effort to do so, we must not stagnate the life of people around.
There is nothing worse than leading a person on to believe that you are holding on to him/her and likewise he/she can hold on to you. For you in all your wisdom and level headedness do not realise, that the other may not have a heart of steel, devoid of feelings and that he/she probably has some empty pocktes that are ready and waiting to be filled. It is just like we hold our trays at lunch time for the guys at the serving counter to fill with 'rice' and 'daal'. Bad simile. Cannot help it though. I had to put across a strong feeling. As I am back from lunch which was not blessed with a tray of rice and daal, it is only fit that I long for one(again human weakness in play!)
And when you have led the person(unwittingly)(or the person succumbs to your powers at wizardry and genius) so far that there is no turning back for him/her, and you revel in triumph, it is then that you probably realise and yet ignore, you were right in doing so ! Afterall shouldn't all mortals learn their lessons in time? And if you had not been there to be the torch bearer, someone else might have very well taken up your place and who knows might not have delivered as well ?
But this phase of not knowing the answer is what scares me out of my wits. Somewhere deep down I know that things will be fine, they are bound to, but wish I had a heart that would not buckle and hold up a bit more. On the outside, I take care not to break down very often(And when I do, I take care it is not known to souls other than mine). What I would say is "Out with it. Finish it off for once and for all". It is a strange feeling to see things take shape. Not a bad feeling at all I must say except at times of self doubt. I understand that it is difficult to just say a 'Yes' and forget about it. It is not such an easy question. I realise it must be very scary to put one's foot down and say "This is it. This is what it all comes to" and regret later.

Still the question lingers on. Spare me. You are better equiped at deciding. Not us lowly mortals who walk with their souls bare and hearts exposed.

Interview on the Streets of Reading

2006-10-24T23:58:00.002+05:30

As I left office for lunch and turned a corner in the King's Road, I was stopped by two kids. I was deep in thought and hence was walking with my head down. When they called out to me, startled I looked up and unconciously tensed. It turned out that the two kids were out to do a survey. They held a card board in hand with papers to write on and a questionnaire.

The following were their questions:

The boy with the black hat: Do you believe in God? (?)
Me: Yes I do(I mean what kind of silly question is this to ask at noon to a person who is hungry and has been staring at the computer for the past 3 hours with just a slice of bread and a glass of juice inside her?)(He makes a line on his paper in series with the existing lines just the way we used to in school for measuring frequency!)

The boy with the black hat: What makes you believe that there is a God? (??)
Me: aww..ummm(smile)
The boy with the black hat: Not Sure?
Me: The fact that I am here, alive, standing and talking to you makes me believe that there is a God (I give myself 8 on 10 for that answer - More confidence gained- a smug look on face now...Yet hungry and wondering what are these boys up to!! And I would not survive long if you keep me talking in this cold windy street.)

The boy with the black hat: Do you think there is a purpose to life? (???)
Me:(My purpose in life for the next 1 hour is to get back home, cook something, fill my poor grumbling tummy and get back to my work) Yes there definitely is! ( He doesnt understand...I am hungry!)

The boy with the black hat: What is your purpose in life?
Me: (Good question - I could have answered that had I wanted to before you asked me this question - Since you ask...) I just want happiness for the people who are connected to me and are important for me!

The boy with the black hat: What makes you happy?
Me: I am not sure.

The boy with the black hat: Where are you from?
Me: India(Ofcourse!! Can't you make out from my looks?)

The boy with the black hat:What are you? Hindu, Muslim, christian?
Me:(I am none of the above...I am hungry!!! Let me go!!) Hindu

The boy with the black hat then says, "Can have your number and address so that we can come and talk to you about all this" ?. I very politely tell him that I am going back to India on Tuesday and am busy at work everyday till then. He says OK and walks on after saying "It was nice talking to you" (!!).

I passed by the chapel on the street. I believe there is a God and have never questioned my belief. This belief is a sustenance for my soul. I wouldnt live through the hard days had I nothing to hold on to. I have faith..This keeps me going.

Back home in the evening. I have a lot of work to finish before this weekend. Yet I sit down and recount this incident today. I dont yet have the answer to the question "What makes me happy".

A Walk in the Clouds

2006-10-23T20:47:00.000+05:30

"I have been walking...in the clouds"
"Welcome back to earth"
Watched this movie by chance for the 4th time. It is timeless and quite independent of places and cultures.A soldier headed back home from 4 years at war, a girl headed back home after going through love, heartbreak and pain at the university which brought her face to face with life. "Paul Sutton, you are the most honourable man I have met in my life" is what she says before he leaves her after helping her through the initial phase of the ignominy she suffers. He goes to her family posing as her husband so that she can face her parents. He loves her but cannot have her because he is not free. After some twists and turns in the story, he comes back to her. And all ends just as it ought to.

He indeed was very brave and honourable.

I love this movie, because it moves at a good pace and never drags. I like the strong characters of Victoria and Paul Sutton.

If I digress a little and move my focus to the influences for this movie...I would zero in on life. We often go for a walk in the clouds. We dream we strive, and we achieve some of what we long for. We become happy for a while. Then the golden edges of the pages we so lovingly had written to our lives start to fray and we are back to earth. And once a person is on earth, he constantly wants. We build more dreams, struggle and achieve them...This is a cycle that goes on. I wonder at human nature, rather marvel at it. We live for something every moment...What would life become if we never dreamt, if we never wished, if we never went for that walk in the clouds?