Whether or When ?
People do not realise how much havoc they can wreak on a poor life when they do not have the answers to questions like when or whether. They confuse when with whether. You keep telling them, I am not asking when you would do such and such, I am just asking whether you would do such and such.
I understand human limitations very well. There are things we can do, then again there are things we cannot do however much we may try. We tend to hold on to something while we search within ourselves for answers like...Is this what I would like to hold on to? Is this the stuff, I would like to be wedded to for life? The species is such that we always subconciously feel, we could have done better. I dont say that we should not do better, what I say is, we must do better. But in an effort to do so, we must not stagnate the life of people around.
There is nothing worse than leading a person on to believe that you are holding on to him/her and likewise he/she can hold on to you. For you in all your wisdom and level headedness do not realise, that the other may not have a heart of steel, devoid of feelings and that he/she probably has some empty pocktes that are ready and waiting to be filled. It is just like we hold our trays at lunch time for the guys at the serving counter to fill with 'rice' and 'daal'. Bad simile. Cannot help it though. I had to put across a strong feeling. As I am back from lunch which was not blessed with a tray of rice and daal, it is only fit that I long for one(again human weakness in play!)
And when you have led the person(unwittingly)(or the person succumbs to your powers at wizardry and genius) so far that there is no turning back for him/her, and you revel in triumph, it is then that you probably realise and yet ignore, you were right in doing so ! Afterall shouldn't all mortals learn their lessons in time? And if you had not been there to be the torch bearer, someone else might have very well taken up your place and who knows might not have delivered as well ?
But this phase of not knowing the answer is what scares me out of my wits. Somewhere deep down I know that things will be fine, they are bound to, but wish I had a heart that would not buckle and hold up a bit more. On the outside, I take care not to break down very often(And when I do, I take care it is not known to souls other than mine). What I would say is "Out with it. Finish it off for once and for all". It is a strange feeling to see things take shape. Not a bad feeling at all I must say except at times of self doubt. I understand that it is difficult to just say a 'Yes' and forget about it. It is not such an easy question. I realise it must be very scary to put one's foot down and say "This is it. This is what it all comes to" and regret later.
Still the question lingers on. Spare me. You are better equiped at deciding. Not us lowly mortals who walk with their souls bare and hearts exposed.
