I had decided I would quit thinking and writing for a while. I could desist from writing but I could not stop brooding. The turmoil is so great and there's no other outlet, so I turn back to my blog. Back too soon.
I resist, protest, defy.
The feverish pace at which we are moving towards our ends drives me out of my senses.It haunts me. Helplessness is an inapt word for it. Everywhere one turns there is madness...People are possessed. There's nothing that's simple anymore. We want bigger cars, more money, newer cell phones, better jobs, better blogs. There's a global unanimous chant I can hear with every breath I take "To hell with everything and everyone". There's aggression behind every lineament.
Blogs have caught up in the big way. I am sure this is a slightly positive sign...the generation is aware. But the downside to it is, we are belligerent. My blog is better than yours! I have more movie reviews than X. I have written more on what's wrong with women and what's wrong with men. I am empty. Sadly, I have never really had the courage to write what I really know is the truth.
Substance abuse. We realise the hazards, we just dont give a damn. Actually we do not have the time to think whether we give a damn or we dont. Even if we think, it is invariably 10 different thoughts at the same instant. The end result is we manage to consume the time on our hands, fill in the gaps between work, socialization, theatre, movies, blogs, but we never have a logical, productive conclusion to each of those 10 things that we had chosen to think about, because 9 out of 10 times, the cellphone will ring or we find the internet more interesting than the draggy ponderings! All this masquerade we hide behind is aimed at attempting to not see what's right under our noses. We have fears, we have losses, we have shortcomings, but we are non accepting, judgemental, crooked, well read, well educated, lofty, smart, we've seen the world. Why do we ham, when we know we are amateurs? We raise petty questions, bigger questions we choose to ignore.
I write in the first person because I am one of us. I choose to forget certain things, I choose to remember certain others although subconciously I remember everything. It's akin to the cache and the main memory of a computer. I choose to speak something, while I believe something else!
Political intolerance, religious intolerance, existential intolerance. Rising intelligence and information levels have triggered a very unusual era.
People have always been scared of rejection. This phenomenon is not new. What is new is the prolonged mistrust. I have suffered in the past because of Z and this person Y, though is as different from Z as can be, I do not trust him/her. I project my fears or illusions, and hallucinations. Empathy is non existent. Perpetual frowns are the in thing. Trends like "I will love you till the day you love me, not a single day more" are well established(yes I call this a trend).
Where are we headed? Climate change is happening faster than previously predicted. Human trafficking, kidnappings, murders, organised genocide, infanticide, AIDS permeate every social strata. Nothing is black or white these days. Everything is painted grey. I shudder to imagine where or how I will be 2 years down the line, why even bother thinking about 10 years. I am missing out on love. I am missing out on who or what matters to me, I am missing out on what I could have been had I seen even one of those 10 thoughts to its correct conclusion. I am missing out on life but I don't give a damn just because the mass I am running the race with doesn't.
To Hell with everything!
By the Way India elected to field in today's match against Sri Lanka. I pray we win.
5 comments:
I'm so glad you didn't really stop. I was pretty disappointed to read when you said you were going to.
Quite the grim outlook, wouldn't you say? I don't think the situation is quite so hopeless on the individual level. The world, it seems, is hopeless as always. There will be good times and bad times for the masses just like there always have been.
For you and I though, I for one believe it can be different. I don't believe we're limited by the desolation of our circumstances. I can think of a few people who lived in horrid places and times but still were somehow more complete than most people like them throughout history.
I believe strongly that what makes life miserable or not so much, isn't our circumstances, but the things in our hearts that are exposed as we react to our circumstances. "The kick didn't create what was in the bucket, it just exposed it."
I do love your writing. It is a meaningful spot in the void of cyberspace.
Best wishes to you in all you do on your side of the world. Make it worthwhile :-)
Your outlook makes everything around a little less sad and dark. If each one thinks responsibly on the individual as well as the mass level, the world should be in a better situation. I like your anecdote about the 'kick' :-). Thanks. I will make sure to have a good purpose to whatever I take up. Best wishes to you as well.
I also enjoy your writing, Jaya...bravo!
We each have a an opportunity, whether we embrace it or not, to be a spark in our own sphere of influence...to speak what someone else has not, perhaps, but more likely what has been said many times before...each voice is important...it is a sign, in the bleakness of it all, that we are growing. Even more important is the response we take to our own broadening awareness. Often the words we write are as much for our own growth as the world's...but then some people are just meant to change the world.
Esirah really said it all much better than I. But I really love this: "I can think of a few people who lived in horrid places and times but still were somehow more complete than most people like them throughout history."
blessings to you!
Hello Ruthie,
Thanks for your comment. I really liked it when you say "each voice is important". The more we listen the more we understand, not just people, but ourselves as well. Somewhere everything seems to be tied up together.
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