Vows, Promises, Resolutions

New year is a time when people take stock of the past and endeavour to make promises to themselves, regarding their conduct,career objectives, and personal obligations for the next year.

It is a time when people seek a get away from the cities and flock around camp fires in quaint places, seek solace in a trekk, wander off to the hills and bird sanctuaries, 'snorkel' for adventure in nature reserves around town. Some sit back in front of the TV, or watch the stars in the sky(they are fortunate if thay can count stars beyond the number of fingers on their hands and more fortunate if they can count upto the number of toes - what with the smog, fog and pollution clouding the skies).

I do not own a TV. My friends live in Bangalore and have plans of going to Pondicherry tomorrow. My parents live in the east of India. Brothers and other associations live in cities far away. So I have decided to stay back, and if the gods in the Noida skies permit, watch the stars for a change. And if I am too sleepy to stay up till the midnight hour, I will doze off with a book to keep me company.

I have resolved yet again to start the new year with no resolutions. Days come and go, its how much I live and make of them that matters.I shield my eyes from the blaze and brilliance.I wish to keep my head firmly on my shoulders. So here's to all the people who have good intentions of changing for the better - Good Luck.

Fasting and Feasting - Mamta ends her Fast

Letters from the Prime Minister and President. I would'nt mind going on a fast if I got a call from the Prez. I admit, I wouldnt like a 25 day fast though for a phone call!

Rediff News 29 Dec 2006
Trinamool Congress chief Mamta Banerjee on Thursday night called off her indefinite hunger strike on the Singur issue following personal appeals by President A P J Abdul Kalam and Prime Minister Manmohan Singh.
"I am ending the fast because the country's top leaders, including President A P J Abdul Kalam and Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, have requested me to do so," she said in a feeble voice at the stroke of midnight after being on hunger strike for the last 25 days.

The PM had talks with Mamta and asked her to discuss all her concerns on this issue with the WB Chief Minister Budhadeb Bhattacharya. Banerjee had started her indefinite hunger strike on December 4 alleging the West Bengal government has been forcibly acquiring multi-crop agricultural land for the Tata Motors' small project at Singur, about 35 km from Kolkata.

Why do people sitting in chairs in airconditioned assemblies, take it upon themselves to decide what should be done with farmlands, and what should not be done? Why were talks held between Tata's and the WB Govt in the first place and why werent people's representatives(No I am not confused - I am talking of representatives sans Govt, sans politicos), asked for their opinion on the issue? Why do we have to start everything on the wrong foot ? There should have been dialogues (rather trialogues, if such a term exists) betwixt Tata motors, the farmers and the WB Govt. How and where did Trinamool congress get into the picture beats me. Anyways if someone has been fasting for this cause, there must be a rhyme and reason to it(I fail to understand what).

But the image of West Bengal will have to change and it will have to become more Investor friendly. It has huge manpower and if big names like Tata's and some Infotech companies arrive in this state phenominal growth will follow.

Smiling without a reason - Encroachments on Human Freedom

India is a free country and all indians have 15 fundamental rights as written down in part III of the Indian Constitution. These include a host of civil liberties. And I being a bonafide citizen of India(by birth, by choice, etc etc) can avail these rights anytime I choose to. It is a punishable offence to deprive anyone of these rights!

At school we were mainly taught of the following 7 fundamental rights:

Right to equality
Right to freedom
Right against exploitation
Right to freedom of religion
Cultural and educational rights
Right to constitutional remedies

Today my colleagues took upon themselves this task of violation of my right to freedom! I was told "this is the first time we see you 'smiling without a reason'. You rarely do so! "
I mean this is a free country and everyone is entitled to smile whenever they please, and not listen once is a while when they are called, when the music is too loud. What's the big deal?

Asteroid attack, April 2029

Standing in my balcony with a telescope aimed towards the sky, a book in my hand and a glass of juice, I wait and watch as the asteroid approaches the earth. I had read about it way back in 2006, to be precise on 27th December 2006. It seems only yesterday evening when I sat down on my tiny cot, weary after a day's work to read the newspaper. I had to write an email to my eldest brother for his birthday the next day.
The piece of news was titled "Mission:To destroy asteroid before it hits". NASA was making an effort to evaluate its chances of hitting our planet and was devising plans to deflect it in case it hits the earth. They had said it will pass by at a distnace of 22,000 miles which is a hair's breadth in astronomical terms. I had read and forgotten about it the next day like most others because I had faith in NASA's genius. 9 out of 10 times they have a solution to a problem and never let us civilians know the magnitude of an imminent disaster. There were talks of installing a propulsion system that would gently alter its course.
To make matters worse there was a rock about 1000ft in diameter called Apophis after the Egytian God of Destruction Apep, which would pass under many satellites and destroy them.
I looked around at the potted plants that we had so lovingly brought up. Come what may, I was determined to see it through. If only we could survive this day, all will be well tomorrow.
It was known that despite all attempts NASA had not been able to devise a technique good enough to parry this blow. Humans braced themselves for this day. They said that the gravitational pull of the earth changed the course of the rock and the propulsion system was not effective enough. I am in a hurry to complete and publish this post. What if I dont live to see another day? If the humans persist, which they in all probability will, they will get to read this and maybe someone around this place will come over and take care of my potted plants.

Quasi Coherent

I read of this term in Mani Bhaumik's book 'Code Name God'. He talked of lasers and human spirituality. The book is indeed enriching, for people who can gulp stuff that at times may be too dry for their tastes.

Quasi equilibrated, quasi perched, quasi comfortable, quasi awake. The last one is the best term I can coin using quasi. It is the best state one can be in. 'Quasi Awake'- not completely awake. Semi aware, not completely mindful of the hazards lying on their path to awakening, not completely aware of the junk that is printed in newspapers. It is a state of being in a trance. And who would like to wake up when everything is swimming around in a glittering pool! For the past 2-3 weeks, I did not even need to cook for dinner! How does it matter whether I am Quasi awake or fully awake, anyways I am incoherent most of the time!!!

What I do not like is going to shop for vegetables on a winter evening when it has rained and I have to park in a puddle of mud. Everything is cold and soggy to touch. Potatoes are caked in mud, rather dripping with mud. And the wind is cold and piercing and I am never equiped with a thick jacket to ward off the cold. All said and done, I always end up liking this little trip to the grocer's because it gives me an opportunity to see people bustling about wrapped in shawls, camping around roadside fires (I sometimes have actually warmed my hands on such a fire near the popcorn seller's cart!). I am confused now. Let my confusion not lead you astray. Just read through this and forget.

If I had a Dog

What would I name him? When you dont have an answer always turn to google. It invariably will have something that meets your requirement. I had thought of a name - 'Zach' and rechecked with google whether this can be a name for a dog. Who cares. He's my dog and I can very well name him 'Jaya' or 'Zintau'.
Second question is, if I keep a dog, I will need to take care of his various needs like good food(almost inaccessible for me), walks in the morning and evening(I wish I went for regular walks myself), then keep him warm in the winters(no sweat, I can manage some smart sweaters for him),clip his nails, bathe him and comb his mane, take him to the vet regularly. I will have to find a good friend who can either dog-sit or entertain him at his/her place when I go out for a holiday, where zach(I settle down for this name) cannot accompany me.
Then Zach may like to have a nice little garden with lots of butterflies to chase and trees to hide behind (beats me) ! Where can I find a garden(I could ofcourse make one in the balcony) ? It is indeed a grave question and a situation that needs ample thought. I live in a city and humans, accomodating as they are, manage to find perches and roosts in high rise buildings, but what would poor Zach do, strung up on a 10th floor balcony? I can very well imagine his plight. Its just like the overseas flights, I have come to dislike because of their sheer lenth and the fact that I cannot open my window to look down! And have to sit still or sleep after I have exhausted everything there is to read in the seat pockets and watched anything that is worthwhile on the TV, till all my bones are sore.
I wish I could have a little more sunshine and flowers than a city can offer me. I know it will never be akin to what can be seen in a remote village, but there's no harm in hoping and hoping for the best.
Maybe Zach can live on love alone and my pretty little balcony garden.

The cycle goes on

The cycle goes on
The first moment in this world begins
with a blink and a cry
that fills all hearts with joy

The cycle goes on
We crawl, falter and fall
The earth embraces us
The world seems so large and tall

The cycle goes on
We stand, we walk and then run
The race begins
School, books, freinds, a new life
A new energy, the world suddenly
becomes small.

The cycle goes on
Youth brings with it responsibilities
Pressures, promises of love and bondings
Most live through, some perish
Those beautiful days languish
The candle flickers and burns out.

The cycle goes on
We pine for the lost, but move on
we keep going, time never waits
Childhood toyed, youth toiled yet
Unfinished tasks tug at our cloaks

The cycle still goes on
Wrinkles, infirmity, yet a vigour
that holds on to the world and
all that is our own
Once again sights and sounds overwhelm us

Then one evening everything is
gone and past
Nothing remains but a void
among everything that was our own
We embrace the earth
Yet the cycle goes on.

(Originally written on 4th Feb 2003)

Into the Dust

Leaves fall onto the earth
Brown with age, yellow without sap
The tree heaves and sighs with the wind
and let's them free.
They drift, they sway, they fall
Leaving behind all past glee.

They crumble at one caress
Love doesn't please them
They are like frizzled edges of
pages written long years ago
and forgotten.

One season of autumn does so much
leaves the branches barren
One season of autumn comes into our lives
That leaves us old and senile
But slowly and steadily leads us towards eternal bliss
that salvation, that purity
That no raking can take away.

(Origininally written on 16th March 2002)

Eyes

Your eyes speak volumes
Yet its difficult to fathom them
They shed tears suddenly
They cloud without a storm
But I know there's a hidden yearn.

Keep them closed
Force them to be shining
'cause the world likes them that way
Dont let them speak much
Just keep smiling

There's no one who could take a plunge
into the range of feelings and emotions
that spring from deep within
And peep stealthily from your eyes
But never give their reasons

Let them be quiet
Let them be lonely
Let them be longing
'cause it's their destiny.

(Origninally written on 25 january 2002)

Last December Rain in Delhi

Life literally comes to a standstill. Traffic moves(rather crawls) at a snail's pace. But everything looks shiny and bright, washed and clean. My days in Noida and Delhi are coming to a close. I dont know if I will ever get to stay here again. I have known this place for the past five and a half years. I am so used to this place that I did not realise how much I am a part of it until I decided I have to move to bangalore.

This happens all the time, doesnt it? We have to keep moving, and do things we never imagined we would be doing. We have to leave everything behind and walk on as if there are no strings attached. Still hopeful that the next bend in the road leads to more light and will probably compensate for the losses. But voids never get filled. We learn to live with them and are happy with the pain of separation because unwittingly we are always destined to find something we can hold on to - a glimpse of a ray of light behing the clouds, a little smile, a warm touch, the places we go.

Rains are are a refuge for me. I love walking in the rain. I relive my days since childhood, playing in the rain on the rooftop, jamming drains for boat races, running around with friends in the fields in my village, laughing and splashing with friends in school and college. And now when my heart aches for all that was mine, I just love walking solitary in the rain, facing the sky with the raindrops in my eyes. I try catching some of them, but never enough to fill the gashes and zeroes that intersperse my being.

Still I love the December rain, that sends the temperatures plunging.

Something that makes no sense at all

I did not hang up my socks day before yesterday. As a result I was deprived of a gift from Santa (Santa Claus to be precise - We know of other Santas for e.g. Santa Singh!). I do not mind as long as Santa does not deprive me of the intangible gifts he had planned for me.
I was talking to a friend over the phone we had a hearty chat. About movies, the myriad unproductive ways we had spent the day, nick names, we even Compared 'Casino Royale' and 'Happy Feet'(as though there is anything to be compared between the two...By far Happy Feet is better - I am looking for another online war, alas the other person doesnt know I have been writing on the sly!)...at the end of each statement we concluded that the other had gone a little funny in the head. There were questions like why have things been kept secret from friends (hmm...scary truths...better not be revealed!). Other questions were like why Harry Potter's next book is called 'Deathly Hallows' and not 'Deadly Hallows' (??!!) Probably because deathly signifies a death like appearance while Deadly is something that can can cause death or be dangerous(How I can see through titles that J K Rowling thinks of!! I am not complacent though...I still need to find out the answer from that other enlightened soul when I get the opportunity to talk again...if I am considered worthy of it, that is). Who can understand what goes on in the minds of these authors. They write whatever they fancy should be written. We discussed Eragon. Why dont they release the movie quickly, some people are losing sleep over it! (??)
I had to spend a full half hour this morning reading about it and the new book Eldest. Will have to procure them and read them before I venture to watch the characters in action.
I am from patna, a small town in the state of Bihar. We have a low literacy rate (only 50 %) and it is a great concern to the people in Delhi. We dont have a choice. We barely manage to make ends meet. We are a huge number. We were ruled by a Govt., who after years of experiments with us has become adroit at managing the Indian Railways. We are struggling and trying our best to emerge out of this to a better day and more light. I digress. What I was going to discuss is nick names...'Shankar Parvati' (!!) and 'Gauri shankar'. I like them. Had my parents given me the freedom to choose my name, perhaps I would have chosen 'Shashikala' or 'Chandralata', or 'UmaMahesh' for that matter. Alas, I have not been given the option to choose what Id like to be called and persist with an unimaginative name.
I always make promises to myself and I always manage to disgrace that promise and to think of it, I used to consider my faith as my greatest strength.
Yet again I resolve on the day after Christmas.
I realise this post is preposterous. If any reader can make any sense of it, please sort it out for me. I fail at every attempt.

Communication

What's awry(perceived !!) with the Indian Culture?
I was in a session on "Communication Across Cultures" today and found what I had been doing for the past quite sometime unwittingly was put into words by esteemed Dr. ......
But it was surprising to know some facts:
1. Procter and Gamble started marketing Diapers in Japan. But in their ignorance of the Japanese culture, they concentrated more on the comfort of the mother than the baby and they failed. It had taken them 6 months to strategise and market the product in the first place and it took them another 6 months to undo the damage their advertisements had done and rebuild the market!
2. There was another fact about some American snack manufacturers who started marketing a cheese snack in China and failed miserably because they were unaware of the fact that the Chinese suffer from a lactase deficiency or lactose intolerance. They had to remake the product changing the percentages of the constituents, so that it was fit for Chinese consumers.
There were other anecdotes, that were interesting.
We discussed the contrast between the American and the Indian cultures. It was interesting to note that they have a context based communication, while we tend to beat around the bush a bit before we come to the point. I agree with it.
Americans are forthright and capable of saying 'NO', while we seldom say 'NO' although we are learning to mend our ways these days. What I feel is, it is OK if you have to go a little out of your way to drop a colleague home, or if you accept chocolates from a guest for your kids although you dont like them eating chocolates. It is Ok if someone needs to use your phone. It is OK if someone comes to your home without prior information or invitation. It is OK if you have to get up early to cook for a guest. It is OK if you miss your favourite TV series one evening if your guests' kids want to watch cartoon. It doesnt matter so much.
The Americans and Europeans feel that Indians dont say a 'NO' because they are too eager to please. But this is not a recent character or cultural trait acquired by indians. Over the years we have learnt not to say a no to anyone who happens to cross our path, or looks up to us for a favour. Irrespective of whether we are capable of helping out the person or not, we try and do it as best we can. I agree that at the work place some people are very eager to please the 'firangis' and this will have to change. And these are the few people who leave an infavourable impression about us when they do not meet unreasonable deadlines they had committed to.
If we can accept cultures, and dont try to adopt one, but be ourselves, then can we have a productive communication.

The Question is 'Whether' not 'When'

Whether or When ?
People do not realise how much havoc they can wreak on a poor life when they do not have the answers to questions like when or whether. They confuse when with whether. You keep telling them, I am not asking when you would do such and such, I am just asking whether you would do such and such.
I understand human limitations very well. There are things we can do, then again there are things we cannot do however much we may try. We tend to hold on to something while we search within ourselves for answers like...Is this what I would like to hold on to? Is this the stuff, I would like to be wedded to for life? The species is such that we always subconciously feel, we could have done better. I dont say that we should not do better, what I say is, we must do better. But in an effort to do so, we must not stagnate the life of people around.
There is nothing worse than leading a person on to believe that you are holding on to him/her and likewise he/she can hold on to you. For you in all your wisdom and level headedness do not realise, that the other may not have a heart of steel, devoid of feelings and that he/she probably has some empty pocktes that are ready and waiting to be filled. It is just like we hold our trays at lunch time for the guys at the serving counter to fill with 'rice' and 'daal'. Bad simile. Cannot help it though. I had to put across a strong feeling. As I am back from lunch which was not blessed with a tray of rice and daal, it is only fit that I long for one(again human weakness in play!)
And when you have led the person(unwittingly)(or the person succumbs to your powers at wizardry and genius) so far that there is no turning back for him/her, and you revel in triumph, it is then that you probably realise and yet ignore, you were right in doing so ! Afterall shouldn't all mortals learn their lessons in time? And if you had not been there to be the torch bearer, someone else might have very well taken up your place and who knows might not have delivered as well ?
But this phase of not knowing the answer is what scares me out of my wits. Somewhere deep down I know that things will be fine, they are bound to, but wish I had a heart that would not buckle and hold up a bit more. On the outside, I take care not to break down very often(And when I do, I take care it is not known to souls other than mine). What I would say is "Out with it. Finish it off for once and for all". It is a strange feeling to see things take shape. Not a bad feeling at all I must say except at times of self doubt. I understand that it is difficult to just say a 'Yes' and forget about it. It is not such an easy question. I realise it must be very scary to put one's foot down and say "This is it. This is what it all comes to" and regret later.

Still the question lingers on. Spare me. You are better equiped at deciding. Not us lowly mortals who walk with their souls bare and hearts exposed.

Interview on the Streets of Reading

As I left office for lunch and turned a corner in the King's Road, I was stopped by two kids. I was deep in thought and hence was walking with my head down. When they called out to me, startled I looked up and unconciously tensed. It turned out that the two kids were out to do a survey. They held a card board in hand with papers to write on and a questionnaire.

The following were their questions:

The boy with the black hat: Do you believe in God? (?)
Me: Yes I do(I mean what kind of silly question is this to ask at noon to a person who is hungry and has been staring at the computer for the past 3 hours with just a slice of bread and a glass of juice inside her?)(He makes a line on his paper in series with the existing lines just the way we used to in school for measuring frequency!)

The boy with the black hat: What makes you believe that there is a God? (??)
Me: aww..ummm(smile)
The boy with the black hat: Not Sure?
Me: The fact that I am here, alive, standing and talking to you makes me believe that there is a God (I give myself 8 on 10 for that answer - More confidence gained- a smug look on face now...Yet hungry and wondering what are these boys up to!! And I would not survive long if you keep me talking in this cold windy street.)

The boy with the black hat: Do you think there is a purpose to life? (???)
Me:(My purpose in life for the next 1 hour is to get back home, cook something, fill my poor grumbling tummy and get back to my work) Yes there definitely is! ( He doesnt understand...I am hungry!)

The boy with the black hat: What is your purpose in life?
Me: (Good question - I could have answered that had I wanted to before you asked me this question - Since you ask...) I just want happiness for the people who are connected to me and are important for me!

The boy with the black hat: What makes you happy?
Me: I am not sure.

The boy with the black hat: Where are you from?
Me: India(Ofcourse!! Can't you make out from my looks?)

The boy with the black hat:What are you? Hindu, Muslim, christian?
Me:(I am none of the above...I am hungry!!! Let me go!!) Hindu

The boy with the black hat then says, "Can have your number and address so that we can come and talk to you about all this" ?. I very politely tell him that I am going back to India on Tuesday and am busy at work everyday till then. He says OK and walks on after saying "It was nice talking to you" (!!).

I passed by the chapel on the street. I believe there is a God and have never questioned my belief. This belief is a sustenance for my soul. I wouldnt live through the hard days had I nothing to hold on to. I have faith..This keeps me going.

Back home in the evening. I have a lot of work to finish before this weekend. Yet I sit down and recount this incident today. I dont yet have the answer to the question "What makes me happy".

A Walk in the Clouds

"I have been walking...in the clouds"
"Welcome back to earth"
Watched this movie by chance for the 4th time. It is timeless and quite independent of places and cultures.A soldier headed back home from 4 years at war, a girl headed back home after going through love, heartbreak and pain at the university which brought her face to face with life. "Paul Sutton, you are the most honourable man I have met in my life" is what she says before he leaves her after helping her through the initial phase of the ignominy she suffers. He goes to her family posing as her husband so that she can face her parents. He loves her but cannot have her because he is not free. After some twists and turns in the story, he comes back to her. And all ends just as it ought to.

He indeed was very brave and honourable.

I love this movie, because it moves at a good pace and never drags. I like the strong characters of Victoria and Paul Sutton.

If I digress a little and move my focus to the influences for this movie...I would zero in on life. We often go for a walk in the clouds. We dream we strive, and we achieve some of what we long for. We become happy for a while. Then the golden edges of the pages we so lovingly had written to our lives start to fray and we are back to earth. And once a person is on earth, he constantly wants. We build more dreams, struggle and achieve them...This is a cycle that goes on. I wonder at human nature, rather marvel at it. We live for something every moment...What would life become if we never dreamt, if we never wished, if we never went for that walk in the clouds?

Can't find my Blog

My first day at Blogspot and my second blog. My enthusiasm seems to have waned a bit and I have a reason for it.
Picking up the thread from my previous blog which highlights my obscure existence...
Feeling good about having published my blog, I hurriedly filled up a few details about me on the profile page and eagerly signed out. I opened a google page to search for a name called Jaya Jha(in a hope that I would discover a link to a page with the name Another day in my Life), but I crashed face down ( a jolt - yet another!) when I discovered that my silly little stupid insignificant blog was not significant enough for google to list on the first 10 pages of its search results! I found 10 pages worth of links to blogs and comments and essays and ramblings and poems from a Jaya Jha, which is not me and some links to Jaya Bachan, the famous movie star! I am happy for them. They have 10 pages of search results by google directing us to them and in all likelihood they have worked hard for this distinction and deserve it.

On second thoughts this makes me happy for me as well. I wrote a blog which is what I would write in a diary :-) and which can be found and read by people only if they are persistent and really wish to understand a beclouded life.

Another Day in my Life

This being my second blog(the first one being on Rediff, which I wrote and forgot a long time back in college!), I thought it better start with a mundane description of the life and wanderings of a person of no particular significance, but just an existence.

I started off the day by getting up at 9.30 (bright and early!) in the morning. This being one of the 13 weekends and fortunatey the second last I have to spend in a country called England. I had planned to visit the old Roman Town of Bath with a British colleague of mine and a Spanish archaeologist friend of hers. Just woken up after the Diwali night (which was spent doing pretty much nothing), I looked out of the Window and saw dark clouds and rain drops on the glass panes. I knew from the sight of it that it would be just another wet and windy day, that I've come to love about England(which most natives don't).

I reached the station and met my fellow travellers, one of whom speaks Egnlish that I had taken a little time to get used to(when I had first met her 3 months back) and the other who speaks broken English with a Spanish accent and constantly refers to a dictionary to see if she is ordering the right dish on some menu, or understanding a word we say correctly, or rather to cross check what she is saying makes sense to us! I have developed a fondness for my colleague, for she is one of the few people who have tried (without actually trying) to make this 3 month exile a little easy for me, just by being there and chatting with me, and lending me books to read and offering little chocolates at work.

The day went on well. It rained most of the day. I got to see a bit of a mixture of Roman and British culture and a glimpse of the society through ages (starting sometime around 65 AD ) right from the Romans in England to a society in Jane Austen's time to the present day. I sometimes got a feeling of deja vu as I walked the Roman Baths and the Pump houses with live music. Every new place I go to has a different kind of feel to it. The rows of old Georgian houses nestled neatly into the hills, the falling rain, the steam rising from the mineral Baths, the pigeons fluttering, seeking shelter from the downpour, the hollies hanging overhead as a symbol heralding Christmas, the quiet streets, the quaint Nepalese Restaurant in the middle of no where, all left me feeling as though I had reached a different age.

Then the journey back home(although Reading is not my home, I have stayed and worked here for the past 3 months and I always feel comfortable and safe on a train back to this place more than on a train back to Noida), made me feel I had had a very different experience and had done something to add a little meaning to the existence I have. I got a phone call from India which refreshed my longings to be back home (this time I refer to home as being in Patna and with the people I live for) because he spoke a language I grew up speaking, he spoke of food I had not tasted for the past 3 months, he talked of troubled thoughts he had because he had overspent on a television he had wanted for his room. I couldn't offer much help or advice, but that didn't mean I did not understand. I seldom live in the real world. In my own world things are very different. People don't do things because they have to, they do thing because they want to. They don't live just because they have to, but because they want to, because it makes them and the people they love happy. Sadly, although everyone realizes that life is short and has more to it than appears , we cannot break away from the entanglements we weave around ourselves. By the time we realize this and try to struggle out, its already quite late. And when we realize, its never too late to start afresh, its already too late to start all over.

I wouldnt have traded this day in my life for a day from someone else's just because the world would classify that existence significant. My world is very small and there are not many people who know of it, but that makes it all the more significant for me, because it is mine and has been mine for the many years past.

The wanderings I mention in the opening lines of this blog, are not that of a person travelling but of the thoughts that wander, senses that feel, listen, see and assimilate. The turn of events in the days of my life, have helped me grow up and take one step at a time, falter, burn my fingers, step over a sharp rock, nurse my fingers and foot, rekindle the fire, smoothen the edges of the rock, at the same time not be too critical of the rock that cut my foot, or the fire that singed my fingers or that one of the many utterances (from people I value) that scarred me.

Some people say, its all a part of life. I agree. I have no means or the right to think differently or the right to be understood in a different (and correct way) than the usual preconceived ways of understanding. Here again the human brain plays a more important role than the human heart(which has pretty much been subjugated and quashed over the years). The brain is fed with ideas, degrees, books, thoughts about having a significant existence, but little do people realise the transitory nature of all things tangible. I value education, I value knowledge, I dont value the money that this education helps us 'accumulate and spend' rather than 'earn and use'.

I know this little(or rather long) piece of blog has turned into alleys, changed directions from being a travelogue to a kind of philosophical essay, pretty much like my wanderings. This insignificant existence of mine has seen lots of ups and quite a balancing number or overbalancing number of downs, which have made me what I am today. Although not significant in this big world, in my own silly little stupid world all of it is quite important and rather significant.